Broken Hearts
by Ezika
Summary: tenth chapter now up. Dont' worry, this is the last part. :) Btw, this whole series is dedicated to Anna P, since she helped me with it.
1. Part 1

The Broken Hearts   
  
Monica came home from work later than usual. In the cab on the way home she made up the story she would tell Chandler. She'd tell him they'd had a big party being held at the restaurant and she'd had to stay late. Similar things had happened before, and Chandler had always understood. Hiding the truth from him tonight would be the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her life. But hiding it from him for the rest of their lives would be harder still. It was almost eleven o'clock, but Joey and Rachel were still in the apartment, as well as Chandler. They were all watching TV.  
  
"Hey, honey, where've you been?" Chandler asked, greeting her with a kiss. Monica pulled away from his gentle touch. She saw the hurt on his face, even though he tried to hide it from Joey and Rachel.   
  
"I had to stay late at work," Monica lied. "I'm exhausted, I think I'll just go straight to bed."   
  
"Are you alright? You look really pooped," Rachel said, concerned. "Maybe you're sickening for something."  
  
"Maybe," Monica shrugged, it was as good an excuse as any.   
  
"I don't wanna catch anything! I have a big audition tomorrow!" Joey exclaimed. He jumped to his feet and backed away from Monica.   
  
"I'd better go too. See you guys tomorrow," Rachel said as she and Joey left.   
  
"Mon, are you sure you're okay?" Chandler asked, touching her cheek. Monica nodded.  
  
"I'm fine. I just need to get some sleep," she assured him.  
  
"Okay. If you don't mind, I wanna finish watching this, it just goes on for another half an hour, then I'll be right in," Chandler said. He played with a loose strand of Monica's hair. She concentrated on not flinching away from his touch.   
  
"Sure," Monica said. She let him kiss her cheek, then watched as he sat down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.  
  
"'night honey," Chandler said.  
  
"'night," she answered, and went into the bedroom, where she lay down on the bed. She burried her face in the pillows, but to her surprise, no tears came. She supposed she had no more tears left to cry. She didn't try to fall asleep, but she did so anyway, lying fully dressed on top of the blanket. When Chandler came in, he tried not to disturb her, but his weight on the bed woke her up, and she sat up, blinking.   
  
"Huh?" she mumbled sleepily.  
  
"You feel asleep," Chandler told her gently.  
  
"I did?" she asked, confused.   
  
"Uh huh," Chandler nodded. Monica saw the look of concern on his face, and it made her want to cry. Chandler put his arms around her and pulled her close to him. He craddled her head against his shoulder and gently rubbed her back. "Shh, its okay. What's the matter Mon?" She wanted so badly to tell him, but she knew she couldn't; if she told him, she risked losing him forever. Instead she just sat in the warm, comforting circle of his arms and bit back the tears, but when she caught a whiff of his familiar smell, she couldn't help herself, and she began to cry. "Mon? What is it? Monica, why are you crying?" he asked, so tenderly, with so much love in his voice that Monica pushed him away, almost as if she was angry with him for loving her so much.   
  
"Please Chandler, just let it go," she begged. She didn't want to tell him, not because she was afraid of what he would inevitably think of her, but because she knew it would hurt him so badly, and she didn't want to do that to him. She loved him way too much to ever want to hurt him.  
  
"No, I won't just let it go. Come on Mon, there's obviously something upsetting you. So why don't you just tell me?" he said encouragingly, even though his face showed a flicker of hurt when she jerked away from him. He refused to give up, though, and reached out to comfort her.   
  
"Please, Chandler," she said again. Monica turned her face away, so she didn't have to see the pain that she knew would be there. She hated that she had to hurt him, hated that he would forgive her without a second thought because he was so concerned about her, she hated him for loving her so much that he kept trying to comfort her, even though she knew she couldn't withstand his gentle pressure for much longer, and when she told him, he would never love her again.  
  
"Okay, okay Mon, I'm sorry. You tell me when you're ready, okay?" Chandler said, accepting the fact that she wasn't ready to talk yet. He longed to reach out to her, to brush her hair away from her damp cheeks, to kiss away her tears, to hold her tightly as if she was a child and rock her gently, and tell her it would be okay, but he thought she would just pull away from him again, and he was afraid of her rejection. "You will tell me won't you?" he asked quietly. Monica didn't answer. She couldn't lie to him, she never had been able to, but she knew she couldn't tell him. Chandler seemed to interrpret her silence as a 'probably not, but I don't want to hurt you're feelings by telling you', and sighed softly. Why did she feel she couldn't talk to him anymore? What was so awfull that she had to hide it from him?   
  
Monica suddenly got up and left the room. Chandler sighed, but didn't follow her. He was fed up of being ignored when he was only trying to help. She was too goddamn stubborn, that was her trouble. Monica lent against the closed bedroom door and harshly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, but it was no good, because more tears soon fell to replace those that she had wiped away.  
  
Chandler slowly changed into his pyjamas and got into bed. He had decided not to wait up for her, since she might have decided to sleep on the couch, or at Joey and Rachel's. No, she wouldn't do that. They would let her stay, of course, but they would question her, wanting an explanation, which he knew she wouldn't give them, not if she couldn't even explain it to him. At least, he hoped she wouldn't be able to tell Rachel and Joey something she couldn't tell him.  
  
Monica heard the bed creak as Chandler settled down under the covers. She was sitting on the window seat, staring out at the black sky, dotted with starlight, and the bright lights of the city. It was never really dark in New York City. Chandler tossed and turned for a whole, tortured hour, before Monica was confident he was asleep. She crept into the bedroom and stood over him.   
  
His sandy brown hair was tousseled, no doubt from his restless attempts to get some sleep. His face was flushed with sleep, but it hurt Monica to see the look of pain it wore, even though Chandler was asleep. She knelt next to him on the floor, and reached a hand up to stroke his cheek. She ran her fingers through his hair, as if she wanted to remember the feeling forever.  
  
"Oh God Chandler, if only you knew," she whispered. "I love you." Monica kissed his cheek softly, then she got ready for bed and slipped under the covers beside him. She desperately wanted to put her arms around him, press her body against his and hold him tight, but she knew it was all impossible.  
  
The next morning when Monica woke up, Chandler was gone. She touched his pillow, which was still warm, and, feeling ridiculous as she did so, leaned down and breathed in the calming smell of him. When she did get up and go out into the living room, Chandler was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.  
  
"Morning," he said cheerfully. During his wakefull hours the previous night, Chandler had decided not to press Monica to tell him whatever it was that was bothering her, to act as though nothing was wrong, and hope that she would tell him in her own time.  
  
"Morning, honey," she said. If he could make the effort, so could she, although it pained her more than she could say to call him'honey'.  
  
"You want some coffee?" Chandler offered.  
  
"No thanks, I have to get to work," Monica lied.  
  
"Okay, do you know what time you'll be home tonight?" he asked, accepting the lie with the innocence of a child.  
  
"Hopefully I'll get away at nine, so I should be home by half past. But if we have a busy night, it could be as late as eleven," she said.  
  
"Well Joey and I have a guy's night out planned, so you might actually beat me home," Chandler told her. Monica smiled weakly.  
  
"'Kay, i really have to go now," Monica said. She started to walk about, but felt Chandler's hand on her arm, pulling her back. She turned, afraid of what he would say. Her fear must have shown in her eyes, because he suddenly looked very sad.  
  
"Bye," he said, pulling her closer for a kiss. She kissed him back, relieved that things seemed to be back to normal.  
  
Chandler watched as Monica left, not realising until she had gone that it was supposed to be her day off. He narrowed his eyes at the closed door, wondering if she knew. She had been pretty tired all week, so it wouldn't have surprised him if she had forgotten. But she had been looking forward to today for several days. Surely she would have remembered.   
  
Monica had remembered. She knew perfectly well that she had the day off. And she planned on going home at lunchtime. She would tell Chandler she stayed for a few hours because they were short staffed, but then someone else came in, so she was free to come home. But for the moment, she had somewhere else that she had to be.  
  
The door swung open just as she stepped up to it, making her jump a little in surprise. A tired looking woman walked out and pushed past her, as if she didn't notice Monica standing there. A little shaken, Monica took a deep breath and walked into the plain white building. She went to the recpetion, and gave her name to a bored looking blonde woman with fingernails that were at least an inch long.  
  
"Take a seat over there," the woman said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of a group of plastic blue chairs. Monica forced her mouth into something resembling a smile, and sat down. There were only three other people waiting; a brunette with a toddler on her knee; a girl who couldn't have been more than sixteen, she even had a schoolbag with a maths textbook poking out of it sitting at her feet; and a worried looking man with glasses that he kept taking off and putting on again.  
  
She waited twelve minutes, during which a harrassed looking couple came in and the teenager was called in. A woman came out and greeted the worried man with a hug. They had barely walked out of the door, when a voice called: "Monica Geller?" She jumped to her feet. This was it. Finally. She went into the smaller room.  
  
"Ms Geller?" the doctor asked.  
  
"Yes," she said, standing nervously in the doorway. the doctor, a tall man with dark hair that was greying at the temples walked behind her and shut the door. He sat down and gestured for her to do the same.  
  
"So, you think you're pregnant?" he asked conversationally. Monica bit her lip and nodded. She hated the way he put it so bluntly. "Have you taken a home pregnancy test?" he asked. She hesitated for a second, then shook her head. Her hands fidgeted in her lap. "Why not?"  
  
"My apartment is like Picadily Circus, i never have a moments privacy. Someone woudl be sure to find out," she said. By someone she really meant Chandler, but she hoped he wouldn't jump to that conclusion.  
  
"Your friends? Family? Husband? Boyfriend?" he asked, looking at her closely.  
  
"I'm not married," Monica said, chosing to focus on that, rather than admit that she didn't want anyone to find out she might be pregnant.  
  
"But you have a boyfriend?" he asked, carefully neutral. monica nodded. "But you don't want him to find out? Why not?"  
  
"I just don't want to get his hopes up until I know for sure," Monica lied quickly. She wasn't sure if the doctor believed her, but if he didn't, he decided to keep quiet about it, at least for the moment.  
  
"Okay, well I'll check you over and do a blood test. I'll call you in a couple of days with the results," the doctor promised. Monica bit her lip in disappointment; she had hoped to find out for sure today. The stress of hiding it from Chandler was tearing her apart.  
  
By the time Monica got home, it was almost eleven o'clock. Chandler was supposed to be at work, but had taken the day off 'sick'. He was sitting on the couch watching TV, and turned to grin at Monica when she entered the apartment. He had decided not to ask about why she had gone into work on her day off, unless she brought the subject up.  
  
"Hey honey," he greeted her, smiling sunnily at her. She forced herself to smile back at him.  
  
"Hi," she said. She took a soda out of the fridge. "You want one?" she offered. Chandler looked to see what she was getting, then shook his head.  
  
"No thanks, hey, have a seat," she invited, patting the couch next to him. Monica obligingly sat down next to him. As he slid his arm around her and pulled her closer, she could almost forget the secret that could rip them apart, and she rested her head on his shoulder. He kissed her hair lightly, enjoying the quiet shared moment. They sat silently for a little while longer, until Monica remember the reason she had gone out that morning and pulled away. Chandler sighed, reluctant to let her go.  
  
"What's the matter Mon?" he asked her softly. She shook her head. She didn't want to get into another thing like last night. Chandler got up and angrily pushed her away from him. "Fine. I'm going for a walk," he said and stormed towards the door.  
  
"Chandler, please..." Monica called after him. He stopped briefly and looked at her, hoping she would explain everything, but she didn't speak another word, so he just turned sadly away and walked out. He wanted so badly to slam the door when he first stood up. But the look on Monica's face when she called out to him had destroyed all his anger, leaving only hurt and frustration that she didn't trust him enough to tell him.   
  
Chandler left the building and walked briskly down the street. He had no idea where he was going, and he didn't really care either. It was raining slightly, and his glasses were spotted with raindrops, but he didn't even notice.   
  
At about three o'clock, Chandler realised he was hungry. He stopped at the nearest coffee house and bought a BLT sandwhich and a coffee to go. He went to Central Park and sat down on a bench to eat his meagre lunch. He didn't move to get up, even after he finished eating, he just didn't feel in the mood to do anything anymore, not even wander around New York City.  
  
"Hi," said a voice. A woman had sat down on the bench next to him. Chandler grunted in reply. He just wanted to be alone right now. And if any woman was sat next to him, he wanted it to be Monica. "Wow, aren't you a little ray of sunshine today?" she asked. Chandler didn't reply. he didn't want to be rude by asking her to leave, although he didn't want to encourage her to stay by talking to her. "Whats the matter?" the woman asked. Without waiting for an answer, she went on. "I bet I could make you feel better."  
  
Chandler turned to her, shocked. She was leaning slightly forward, expecting his response. Chandler stood up and backed away. He wondered what the hell he was doing here. "Leave me alone," he said, surprising himself with how weak his voice sounded. He walked quickly away, hearing the womans laughter following him.  
  
Monica was sitting on the couch when Chandler returned. She looked like she had been crying. Chandler stopped in the doorway and watched her for a few seconds, before he walked over to her. Silently, he hugged her tightly. Monica let him hold her for a little while, but it was her who pulled away first. When she did, Chandler looked at her for a moment, then leaned in and kissed her. Monica didn't pull away, so he deepened the kiss. Before long, they were in their bedroom making love.   
  
Afterwards, with Chandler lying next to her, his fingers playing with her long dark hair, Monica felt increadibly guilty. Chandler was so obviously in love with her, she hated herself for hurting him. Tears filled her eyes for no real reason, and she blinked to hold them back. She also tensed slightly, which Chandler noticed. He sat up and studied her face intently.  
  
"Mon?" he asked softly, hoping now would be the last time he had to see her cry and not know why and not be able to comfort her. Hoping that now she was ready to tell him what was on her mind. He reached a hand to her cheek, but Monica harshly pushed him away. She rolled over so she had her back to him and covered her mouth with her hand so he wouldn't hear her cry.  
  
Chandler decided to leave her alone for a while. Not so much for her sake, but because he was so angry with her for not trusting him that he was afraid he might snap at her, or do something he'd regret. Over the last couple of days, there had been many times when he wanted to grab her and shake her, as if to shake the common sense to the front of her brain, that would tell her she could trust him.  
  
Half an hour later, Monica emerged from the bedroom, dressed in clean clothes, with a small bag slung over her shoulder. Chandler lept up. He only saw the bag, and was terrified she was walking out on him. He rushed over and grabbed her, trying to stop her leaving. She stopped willingly enough and just looked at him strangely.  
  
"Please don't go," he begged in a hoarse voice.  
  
"Go where?" she asked, confused.  
  
"You, you aren't leaving me?" he asked, childlike in his need for reassurance.  
  
"No, of course not," Monica said with a smile. Although she couldn't stop the thought that pretty soon she might be the one begging Chandler not to go, springing to mind. Chandler hugged her tightly, as if he never wanted to let her out of his arms again.  
  
"Whats the bag for then?" he asked.  
  
"You really think I'd take this if I was leaving you? Because its so big and fits so much in it?" she said sarcastically, then stopped suddenly. Chandler had been really scared, it wasn't fair to make fun of him. "Sorry. No, I'm just going shopping with Rachel."  
  
"Oh, okay," Chandler said, breathing a huge sigh of relief. He hugged her again and kissed the top of her head. Monica tilted her head upwards, so he could kiss her on the mouth.   
  
Not until he had hugged her and kissed her a few more times would Chandler let go of her. When he did, Monica was careful to measure the speed of her retreat. Not too fast, or else he would think his panic had made her think he was over reacting. Not too slow, or he would pull her back for more assurances that she would come home.  
  
She hated having to lie to him. There was nothing harder than lying to those puppy dog eyes that could turn blue, green or grey, seemingly at will, although she knew it was really just because of the way the light was shining on them. It had been almost more than she was capable of to reassure him, and let him hold her and kiss her because he was afraid she would leave him forever. And the single worst thing was that she was going straight from his soft, loving kisses into the arms of another man for intense, passionate kisses. That after promising Chandler she would never let him down, she was betraying him every minute she was with this other man.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Who is the other man? Keep guessing until part 2. Well, except for Anna, because it was her idea. Please review. Pretty please..? 


	2. Part 2

Broken Hearts (part 2)  
  
Monica broke away from his lips only long enough to shut the door to his apartment. He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her into yet another passionate kiss. She couldn't help feeling guilty about Chandler, but as her boyfriend pulled her down onto the couch, she forced all thoughts of her fiancee to the back of her mind, at least for now.  
  
"Mon? You okay?" he asked.  
  
"Sure," she answered. "I should be going home soon."  
  
"Aww," he whined. She hated when he did that. Chandler could be childish sometimes, but when he was, it was cute and endearing. When her new boyfriend did, he just looked petty and stupid. Monica pulled herself up out of his firm grip and got dressed. He lay still on the couch and watched her move quickly around the apartment, getting ready to leave. He wasn't jealous of Chandler. As far as he could see, he got the better deal, just sex, whereas Chandler got all the stupid stuff (which he thought of it as) like talking and the casual affection and stuff like that, stuff which showed they were best friends and deeply in love, instead of just fooling around.  
  
Chandler was out when Monica got home. She found a note saying he'd gone to some exhibit with Ross, illustrated with cartoons of a stick figure with a dinasour hat dragging the dead body of a guy in a sweater vest around a museum. Monica had to laugh at that.   
  
By the time Chandler got home, an hour and a half later, Monica had showered and changed her clothes. Chandler was followed into the apartment by Ross. Chandler pulled a face at Monica to show how bored he was. Ross looked annoyed, and Monica guessed Chandler had been winding him up at the museum.  
  
"Ross, all I'm saying is that while some people find dead things with bones sticking out of them intersting, unfortunately, I am not one of those people," Chandler was saying, mid-conversation. Ross didn't answer, he just knocked the sides of his fists together, making the finger 'without actually having to make it'. "Hi honey," Chandler said, ignoring Ross and smoothly changing the subject.  
  
"Hi," Monica said. She crossed the apartment to give him a quick kiss, but Chandler held the back of her head and deepened the kiss. Monica knew Ross would be pulling a face, but didn't care. Whenever Chandler kissed her, everything else melted away into insignificance, like in the romance novels Rachel liked to read.  
  
"Maybe I should go," Ross suggested when they finally broke away from each other. He always felt slightly disgusted when Chandler and Monica kissed in front of him, no matter how many times he saw them. He supposed it was because Monica was his sister, and he thought of Chandler like a brother, so he kinda expected Monica to think of chandler as another big brother.  
  
"Maybe you should," Chandler agreed, kissing Monica again, she responded eagerly, without any hint of guilt, then felt awful for not feeling guilty. Ross left them alone. Chandler smiled his sweet smile, the one that told her clearly he wanted to have sex, and Monica felt her heart sink. She didn't want to come to him fresh from another man's kisses, and yet she knew he would be hurt if she refused.   
  
She was saved from making a desicion by the phone ringing, Chandler tried to prevent her answering, but she pushed his gently restraining hands away, knowing that it could be the doctor with her results. It wasn't, it was a wrong number, but she was glad of the interruption, it gave her chance to think of a nice way to turn down the suggestion he hadn't yet made, but that she knew would be coming soon.   
  
Chandler pulled her close to him again and kissed her. His hands slowly slid down her back, then under her shirt. Monica closed her eyes. Normally, she loved when Chandler didn't ask aloud, he just asked her with his eyes and actions, but this way was even harder to refuse. But she knew she wouldn't be able to enjoy sex with him right now.  
  
"Chandler, please," she said, pushing his hands away. He instantly stopped what he was doing, reminding her of one of the many reasons he was perfect.   
  
"What's the matter?" he asked. It wasn't like Monica not to want to have sex with him, so he knew something must be wrong. He wondered if it was the same something that had had her in tears the previous night. Monica had to turn away from the concerned look on his face. She couldn't leave him worrying about her, so she decided to tell him that she thought she was pregnant.   
  
"Okay, um, how would you like to be a Daddy?" she asked, not knowing how else to ask him.  
  
"What?" Chandler asked, confused. "Are you saying what I think you're saying? Are you pregnant?"  
  
"I think so, I went see to the doctor today, I'll find out for sure in a couple of days," she said, happy that she had finally been able to tell someone, realising how much happier it made her, especially telling Chandler. A smile slowly spread across his face. They were having a baby! He hugged her tightly and spun her round.  
  
"Wow, Mon, this is amazing!" he exclaimed. She laughed, although being spun around was making her feel a little queasy. "I'm gonna be a father!" he shouted in delight, not caring if the whole of New York City heard him. Suddenly, he put her down, so abruptly that she almost fell. "I'm gonna be a father," he said in shock. Monica looked at him, afraid that he would now decide it was a bad thing and would hate the idea. Chandler saw the fear in her eyes and forced a smile that looked scary rather than comforting. She reached up a hand to touch his face. "I'm gonna be a father," he said again, sounding in awe of the fact.  
  
"I think so, unless its a false alarm," Monica smiled. She didn't mention the possibility that she was pregnant but Chandler wasn't the father, she and her new boyfriend had always used a condom, she had insisted on that, and she and Chandler only used birth control when they remembered, because they didn't mind the thought of having a baby, but didn't want to be classed as 'trying' for a baby, because chandler thought that sounded weird. And in the sixth months since they first had unprotected sex, they had used protection less and less.  
  
"I hope its not," he said smiling widely. Monica smiled back. They looked like two little kids, and they didn't care. They were having a baby!   
  
"Me too," she agreed.  
  
"Can I come to the doctor's with you, when you find out for sure?" Chandler asked shyly. The fact that she hadn't asked him to come the first time suggested to him that she might not be comfortable with him there, but he desperately wanted to here the doctor say that they were having a baby. It had been fantastic hearing it from Mon, but from a doctor it would sound more real.  
  
"Oh sweetie, he's going to phone me. Sometime in the next couple of days, he said." Chandler tried to hide his disappointment, but failed miserably. She noticed and laughed. "Honey, you can come with me to every doctors apointment throughout the rest of the pregnancy," she promised, hugging him. That cheered him up a little. He hugged her tightly, then, after a few minutes, ventured another kiss. This time, she didn't even consider refusing him as his hands slid up her shirt. She only stopped him long enough to go into their bedroom.  
  
The following day, Chandler took a couple of days off work, wanting to be there when the doctor phoned, even if he only got the news from Monica. He hadn't left the apartment all day, and had kept close to Monica the whole time. She had arranged to meet her boyfriend for dinner, and kept worrying that he would call when she didn't show up, as Chandler would undoubtable ask where she was going, or even offer to come with her, if she made an excuse. She couldn't even ring him, because chandler was never further away than in the next room.  
  
It was six fifteen when the phone rang. Monica jumped. She had supposed to have met her boyfriend at six. Chandler went to answer it, but she stopped him, he smiled as she grabbed the phone, thinking she just wanted to find out if she really was pregnant. All day he had been thinking about it, wondering if it was a boy or a girl, thinking of how it would look, even planning the whole of the kid's life. All assuming, of course, that Monica really was pregnant.  
  
"Hello," Monica answered the phone, jerking Chandler back to reality. He went and stood behind her, with his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. Monica tensed, wonering if he could hear the voice on the other end.   
  
"Ms Geller?" It was the doctor. If Chandler hadn't been standing so close, she would have breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Yes," she said.  
  
"I'm very happy to tell you that I've got the results of your blood test, and you are pregnant," the doctor said, sounding bored rather than happy, but Monica didn't care. She screeched and nearly dropped the phone in excitment. Chandler grinned, guessing by her scream that she was pregnant. When she calmed down a little, Monica remembered that the doctor was still on the line.   
  
"Thank you so much," she said.  
  
"I think you should be thanking your boyfriend," he said, as if he was humoring her.  
  
"Uh huh. Thanks anyway," Monica said, wanting to get off the phone so she and Chandler could celebrate.  
  
"Stop by the clinic in a few days and we'll make you and appointment for your first ultra-sound, and give you some expectant Mommy advice leaflets," the doctor said.  
  
"Okay, bye," Monica said. She didn't wait for the doctor to say goodbye before she hung up. She turned to Chandler, both of them grinning from ear to ear. "I'm pregnant!!!" she screamed. Chandler hugged and lifted her a little off the floor.  
  
"I know! This is amazing!" He said, spinning her around, like he had done the day before. When he stopped, Monica stayed in his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. She kissed him.  
  
"The doctor told me to thank you," she said quietly.  
  
"Why? All I did was have sex with the most beautiful woman I know. You have to do the pregnancy stuff, the labor, put up with me and my worrying for the next nine months, actually, scratch that, the next eighteen years, not hate me for fainting when the baby's born," Chandler gushed. Monica silenced him with a kiss.  
  
"I know. That's why I'm so happy," she said. Then, inexplicably, she began to cry. It was a combination of the joy of sharing her pregnancy with Chandler, worry about her boyfriend, and what to do about him, the released tension of knowing for sure, and not having to keep it a secret from Chandler anymore. For a split second, she wondered if she should tell Chandler about her boyfriend, then realised what a stupid idea that would be.   
  
"Shh," Chandler whispered. Her tears had shocked him, but he supposed that it was all part of the pregnancy thing, and tried to understand. He rocked her gently, while she was still in his arms, and let her bury her face in his shoulder and cry. He stroked her hair softly and whispered soothing words and phrases that had no real meaning.  
  
"I love you Chandler, don't ever forget that," monica said. The passion with which she said it frightened Chandler a little. It was as if she was afraid that they would somehow be broken up or that he would come to doubt her love for him. He knew that could never happen.  
  
"I won't," he promised. "I love you too."  
  
A few hours later, Monica had insisted that she had to go get some food for them. Chandler offered to phone for take-out, but she said she didn't feel like anything greasy, which ruled out all Chandler's favourites. He offered to go get the food, and even cook it, but she shot him down, saying she didn't feel like beans on toast. Chandler eventually let her go, jokingly threatening to call 911 if she wasn't back in a half an hour.  
  
On her way to the supermarket, Monica stopped at a call box on the corner. She quickly slipped a couple of quarters into it and dialed a number. She tapped her fingers impatiently while it rang, then felt horribly nervous as soon as she heard a familiar voice say "hello".  
  
"Hi, its Monica," she said, whispering, even though there was no one who would hear her, or even be trying to. And even if they did, they wouldnt' know what she was talking about anyway. But the secrecy she had picked up over the last month had become deeply ingrained.  
  
"Mon! Where the hell were you earlier?" he demanded. "I waited an hour, and you still didn't show up. I didn't want to ring in case Chandler answered." He said 'Chandler' as if the very word disgusted him.  
  
"I'm sorry Mark," she said, "I had to stay home, and Chandler was there the whole time, barely letting me go to the bathroom alone. That's why I couldn't ring you and cancel. I'm sorry."  
  
Mark sighed. "Its okay," he said resignedly. "Thanks for calling now, anyway. So how come he was home? I thought you said he'd be out all day, then at a late meeting tonight. I was looking forward to a proper date with you," he said.  
  
"I got some news, he wanted to be with me when I got it," was the only explanation she offered. Mark sensed the final tone in her voice, and knew she wouldn't say more, but pressed her anyway. He hated when she didn't tell him stuff, especially stuff that she told Chandler.  
  
"What news?" he asked sulkily. Monica was silent. Mark sighed. "Never mind. Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"I don't know," she said, biting her bottom lip. What if Chandler stayed home again tomorrow? She didn't want to disappoint Mark two nights in a row.  
  
"Well, call me whenever you feel like seeing me again," Mark said bitterly, and slammed the phone down. Monica waited a second, listening to the dialing tone, before she too slammed the phone down. How dare he? She didn't need him! She had Chandler! She had her baby! And yet... she did need to see him again, if only to end things between them, because there was no way she could keep seeing him when she was pregnant. And after the baby was born she would hardly be able to leave the apartment alone, never mind escape to her lover's apartment for a few hours without Chandler or any of her friends finding out.  
  
She walked briskly to the shop and absentmindedly threw a few basic things into the trolley. While she was queueing, she spotted a display of Jellybabies, and impulsively threw a bag into the trolley.  
  
It wasn't until she got home and Chandler looked strangely at her, that Monica realised that none of the foods she had bought would go together to form anything remotely edible. Chandler put it down, again, to weird pregnant stuff, and wondered briefly how many more times he would have to put up with her weird behavior, then reminded himself that he didn't care, because at the end of it all, he would be the luckiest man in the world, with Monica, and their baby.  
  
The ended up eating cornflakes (dry, she had forgotten to buy milk), peanuts and jellybabies. They drank orange juice. They ate their bizzare meal sitting on the floor in front of the window, laughing as Chandler tried to throw the jellybabies and catch them in his mouth. When he thought Monica was laughing a little too hard, he started throwing them at her. Monica wondered how she could ever have thought she needed Mark. Chandler was so wonderful, what did a childish, sulky, jealous man like Mark have that Chandler didn't? And yet why was she wondering when she would next be able to see Mark, even as she sat throwing jellybabies and having fun with Chandler?  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Surprised by who the 'other man' was? I hope so.   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Part 3

****

Broken Hearts (part 3)

It was two days before Chandler went back to work. Monica had one more day off, waiting until Chandler had left before she called in sick. She didn't want him to ask her why she was taking another day off alone. He might even want to stay off himself. Which would defeat the whole point.

She phoned Mark, who was at work, and arranged to meet him for lunch at one o'clock. They were going to a small diner a couple of blocks away from the building where Mark worked. It was also close to his apartment, which she knew was most of the reason he had suggested it, after she had refused to meet him at his apartment. She only wanted to talk, but she knew he would want more.

She stood in front of her wardrobe trying to decide what to wear fo her lunch with Mark. She didn't want to wear her work clothes, so she had to change. The problem was that she had no idea what she should wear instead. She wanted to look nice, but not too dressed up, in case it gave Mark the wrong impression. And once she chose an outfit, she still had to sort out her hair and make up.

She arrived at the diner five minutes early, expecting to have to wait for a while, but Mark was already there. That unnerved her a little. He smiled when he saw her and stood up to greet her. Monica turned her head when he tried to kiss her, so he only got her cheek.

"You look gorgeous," he said.

"Thanks," Monica said, sitting down. She panicked for a second, wondering if she was too dressed up after all. She fidgeted with her hair.

"I don't have long," Mark told her. "I have to be back at work by a quater to two."

"Okay," Monica said. She was glad. If he had to be back at work soon, he wouldn't kepe her long, so she wouldn't have to worry about making sure she got home before Chandler. She reached for a menu, but Mark pulled it out of reach.

"You know what? the service here is terrible. We'll still be waiting for our food at two o'clock. Why don't we go back to my apartment and I'll cook us both some lunch?" Mark offered, trying to sound casual, but Monica guessed he had been planning this since she called him that morning.

"Mark, we need to talk, not...well, you know," she said, trying again to get the menu, he still kept it our of her reach.

"Mon, I haven't seen you for ages!" he whined.

"Four days," she corrected him drily.

"It feels like ages," he insisted. "Monica, please." She sighed. How could she break up with him when all he wanted to do was sleep with her? 

"Mark, I don't want to," she said. He leaned accross the plastic covered table and kissed her to try and persuade her. As always she felt her resolve weakening as his touch grew stronger and more demanding.

"Please," he begged, looking at her with puppy dog eyes. Although not as endearingly persuasive as Chandler's, the expression on Mark's face was hard to resist, especially when she didn't really want to resist it.

"Fine," she said sulkily. Mark kissed her again and stood up, pulling her to her feet too.

They went back to Mark's apartment and did exactly what Monica had been hoping to avoid doing, but that she couldn't find the willpower to stop once Mark started it. She forgot about Chandler, about the baby, about everything except her, and Mark and the moment.

It was ten past two before Monica realised that Mark had lied to her. He showed no sign whatsoever of going to work, although he was already late. She supposed there was a chance he could simply have lost track of time, but it was a slim chance. Monica knew he would put off any attempts she made to talk seriously to him until he knew she had to leave. It was as if he felt he would be wasting his time by trying to talk, and he would rather it wasted her time that she devoted to Chandler.

"I thought you had to get back to work," she said coldly.

"Sorry Mon, no such luck. I'm afraid you're stuck with me all afternoon," he told her, not sounding at all sorry for lying to her.

"If you're here all afternoon, we can talk right?" Monica asked, determind to at least take advantage of the situation. She knew she had to break up with him. His lie about having to return to work had simply emphasised the differences between him and Chandler. Chandler would never have lied to her, even about something trivial like that.

"Sure, afterwards," he promised. Monica sighed and resisted his attempts to turn her on again, although she knew she would only be able to resist for a short while.

"No Mark, now. Its important, at least to me," she insisted. Mark groaned in frustration. He had very little time with Monica and he didn't want to waste it talking. He slid his hand along her thigh, trying to distract her, but she pushed him away.

"Fine, talk yourself blue in the face," he invited ungraciously.

"Mark, I need you to listen, not sulk and hate me for now doing what you want," she snapped. "You may just be in this whole thing for sex, but that's because it doesn't matter to you. And don't tell me it does, because I know you'd be lying. And that's okay, because you have nothing to lose. But I have everything to lose. I love Chandler more than anything else in the world. And I can't believe I'm risking losing that for an affair that means nothing to either of us," she lectured.

"If you love him so damn much, how come you keep seeing me?" Mark asked. Monica sighed. She had known he would ask that. And if Chandler, or her friends ever found out, they would ask her the same thing. She had spent hours racking her brains for an answer, but she still had none.

"I honestly don't know," she said, hoping he would accept that and leave her be.

"Come on Monica, don't give me that. You must know," Mark argued.

"I really don't," she insisted. Mark was silent for a few minutes, giving her time to think, something he rarely did, but this time he wanted an answer. He wanted to know why Monica, who was happily engaged, even if it was to a guy as weird as Chandler, would want an affair. He was genuinely curious, having never really been in love, even with Rachel, but from the way Monica's face lit up every time she mentioned Chandler, then how guilt filled her eyes when she remembered how badly she was betraying him, he could tell Monica truely loved Chandler.

  
"I guess, I guess I wanted the feeling of beginning a new relationship, just one more time. I mean, once I marry Chandler, I'll be tied to him forever, which is great. But I guess maybe I'm frightened of my relationship with Chandler getting, I don't know, getting stale. I really love being him, because he cares about me so much, and he's so sweet and affectionate and considerate and all that. But our relationship isn't as passionate as it used to be. I really miss that," she explained, carefully sounding out the words. They were so hard for her to speak aloud, when up until now she's tried to avoid even thinking them. 

Everything she'd told Mark was true. She adored Chandler. He was her best friend, and once that had made the relationship even more special. But now it made her afraid that one day she would wake up next to her best friend, but the part of him, or her, or both of them that made him the love of her live would be dead. And they would be left with just the shell, their friendship. It was a pretty enough shell, but hollow without their love to fill it, and it was worthless to her now, now that they had explored what lay hidden inside.

"Maybe you should talk to Chandler," Mark suggested painfully. Monica nodded, she knew he was right.

"But how can I talk to him without him knowing something's going on?" she asked desperately. Mark shrugged.

"If you ask me, he's a fool not to have alreasy worked out that something's going on, even if he doesn't know what it is," Mark said, adding the last but after seeing the panic stricken look that swept over Monica's face.

"That's the thing. He knows there's something wrong and he keeps trying to comfort me when I'm upset. And that's what made me decide," she said, taking the oppertunity to break up with him, now he was finally listening.

"Decide what?" Mark asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Mark, I'm sorry. I think we should stop seeing each other." She put her head down to avoid seeing the hurt look on Mark's face. "Come on Mark, you know we can't go on like this. I can't keep seeing you and going home to Chandler and act like nothing's changed between him and me."

"What's different now Mon? You never used to be happy about it, but you could deal with it. Why can't you anymore?" Mark demanded, scrutinising her, like Chandler did when he knew she was hiding something and was trying to decide if he should press her about it or not.

"I don't know. I guess it just built up," she said. It was true enough, but that wasn't the real reason she was breaking up with him. She didn't want him to know she was pregnant, in case he started thinking it could be his baby, when she was sure it was Chandler's.

"Bullshit," mark snapped. "Don't lie to me Monica. just because you've gotten used to lying to Chandler, doesn't mean you can lie your ass off to me too!" Monica could have slapped him for that comment. Was he actually saying that he was more importnant and had more right to the truth from her than Chandler did?

"I don't owe you an explanation! If anyone deserves and explanation, its Chandler!" she argued.

"Fine then! Why dont' we call him right now and give him one?" Mark suggested. He had no intention of doing so, and Monica knew it. She looked at him with cold disdane.

"You wouldn't dare," she said firmly. He shrugged. 

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I won't right now. But maybe in a few weeks, or months, even a few years. You'll have to live the rest of your life with your precious Chandler, wondering if tomorrow will be the last time you fall asleep with him," Mark threatened.

"Oh, quit sounding like you're in a crappy TV movie," Monica snapped.

"Well, for Christ's sake Monica, give me the real reason why you're ending this. Sure, the pressure of hiding it from Chandler is getting to you. But I refuse to believe its the only reason," Mark said, starting to calm down.

"Mark, please, just leave it, okay?" Monica begged. She was tired of arguing with him. If he kept asking, she knew she would end up telling him about the baby.

"Why Monica? What are you hiding?" he asked gently. He touched her face with his left hand. She leaned her head into the palm of his left hand and closed her eyes. So what if she told him? What difference would it make? It didn't make Chandler any more likely to find out about the relationship. Mark wasn't stupid. He knew that everytime he and Monica had sex, they had used a condom. The chances of it being his baby were minimal, especially if she resorted to telling him she and Chandler were more or less trying for a baby.

"I'm pregnant," she said lifelessly. Mark hugged her stiffly, not knowing what to say. He was shocked that he had just had sex with a woman who was pregnant with another man's child. And even more shocked that it didn't hurt him as much as he might have expected if someone told him this would happen. He was shocked, but not upset or really angry at her. 

"I'm assuming by the fact that you're breaking up with me that its Chandler's baby?" Mark said softly. Monica nodded slowly. "Well, thanks for telling me the truth, anyway," he said, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry," she offered uselessly.

"You know what? Its okay. Go back to Chandler. Try and forget this ever happened. Okay?" he recommended. Monica nodded again, although she was a little hurt by the way he could just dismiss their whole relationship, just like that. Sure, she didn't love Mark, and had no illusions, that he loved her. But surely it mattered more to him than just a silly mistake which could be brushed under the carpet and forgotten.

"I should just go," she said. She got off the bed and reached for her clothes. Mark watched her get dressed again, then waved as she left. He didn't try to stop her leaving, or even follow her downstairs. Monica half heartedly waved back. She bit her lip as she went down to the street. She wanted to run all the way home, but it was too far, so she had to be content with running to the subway station. It didn't work, since the whole point was to get away before the tears began, but no one on the platform noticed her, or if they did, they minded their own business.

When Monica arrived at her own apartment, she had stopped crying, and had wiped away her tears. She only hoped no one would be in the apartment when she got there, so she could shower and change her clothes before Chandler got home. She was glad that this would be the last time she had to lie to him, at least directly.

An hour later, Phoebe came over. She had broken up with her boyfriend over lunch, and wanted a friendly ear. But hearing Phoebe's story made Monica want to cry again. Phoebe had only been there a half hour when Monica said she had a headache. 'Thought you wouldn't be lying anymore, huh?' she thought when she heard herself speak the words, practically before she knew it. Lying had become almost second nature to her over the last month, and she hated herself for it.

Chandler stopped off in Central Perk when he got home from work, where he found Rachel and Phoebe, moaning about how unreliable men were. Chandler hadn't even sat down when he realised this.

"Maybe I should just go upstairs," he suggested.

"No, you can't," Rachel told him.

"Why, because I'm not allowed in my own apartment anymore?" he asked.

"No, Monica has a headache," Phoebe said.

"That's funny, she's normally still at work at this time," Chandler said thoughtfully.

"Maybe that's why she came home early," Rachel suggested.

"Yeah, you're probably right," Chandler agreed. "I think I'll go up anyway, check she's okay."

"Can I come to your funeral?" Phoebe asked excitedly. Rachel rolled her eyes. Chandler ignored them both and went up to the apartment.

Monica was cooking dinner when Chandler got to the apartment. She looked up and smiled when Chandler came in.

"Hi honey, you feeling better?" he asked, going over to taste the pasta sauce she was making.

"Huh?" Monica asked, slapping his hand away from the sauce.

"Phoebe said you had a headache," Chandler reminded her.

"Oh yeah, I'm feeling much better now," she said.

"Good," he said, giving her a quick kiss.

"How was your first day back at work?" Chandler asked after dinner.

"Fine," Monica lied.

"Being around all that food didn't make you nauseous?" he joked.

"Nope," Monica said.

"No cravings yet?" he asked.

"I don't think so," she grinned.

"Not even me?" he asked leaning in to kiss her softly. She kissed him back.

"I don't need to be pregnant to have a craving for you," she whispered.

"Me neither," Chandler joked. Monica giggled. "What?" he asked, pretending to be offended that she was laughing at him.

"Nothing, I was just imagining you being pregnant," she told him, still giggling.

"I wouldn't be as good as being pregnant as Arnold Schwarzeneggar," he said.

"No, you wouldn't," she replied. Chandler hit her arm playfully and she grinned.

"Aren't we forgetting something?" he asked, kissing her again. Monica stopped laughing and allowed his tongue into her mouth.

For the first time in a month, she made love to Chandler without being plauged with guilt that she had done the same thing earlier on with Mark. Even though she'd had sex with Mark that afternoon, she had broken up with him, so it eased her guilt a lot. Knowing that from now until forever Chandler would be the only man she kissed, the only man she touched, the only man she slept with.

To Be Continued…

Please review and tell me if you like it.


	4. Part 4

Broken Hearts (part 4)  
  
"Oh my god! Its amazing. Its the most perfect little thing I've ever seen," Chandler said in an awed voice.  
  
"I know," Monica agreed.  
  
"You want to stop calling your baby 'it'?" the doctor asked, smiling at the happy couple.  
  
"Sor-ry," Chandler said, slightly offended.  
  
"No, no, I mean, do you want to know the sex of the baby?" the doctor asked. Chandler and Monica nodded in unison, not taking their eyes off the picture on the screen. "Well, you're having a baby boy. Congratulations!" Monica smiled fondly at the screen. Chandler beamed.  
  
"I'm going to have a son," he said proudly.  
  
"We're having a boy!" Chandler announced to the rest of the gang later on that evening.  
  
"Yay!" Phoebe exclaimed. She jumped up and hugged Monica. Rachel joined them in the hug, tears in her eyes. Joey hugged Chandler.  
  
"Congratulations, man," he said in a choked up voice.  
  
"I'm gonna have a nephew," Ross said. When Rachel and Phoebe broke away from Monica, he hugged his little sister tightly.  
  
The gang all went out to dinner to celebrate. Monica was now five months pregnant, and Chandler was very protective of her and worried about her safety and the baby's safety practically non-stop. Ross insisted on paying, because 'it was his new unborn nephew'. They sat on a circular table, in the order: Chandler, Monica, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey. While they waited for the menus, monica leaned closer to Chandler.  
  
"You think they serve Jellybabies here?" she asked, jokingly. Chandler smiled lovingly at her.  
  
"No, sorry. You still think you have no cravings?" he asked.  
  
"I don't!" she insisted, but even she was laughing. The others looked curiously at them, wondering what the joke was.  
  
"So wanting Jellybabies twenty four/seven is something that happens all the time?" he asked.  
  
"It is now," she pointed out. Chandler grinned. Ever since he had found out Monica was pregnant, he had hardly stopped smiling. He was so happy at becoming a father, despite his old fears of commitment. Even Monica was slightly surprised at his eagerness. She had expected him to be worried, or upset, at least at first, but he wasn't at all. He was delighted. And so was she. now that her affair had been over for three months, she had managed to rid herself of most of the guilt, and the fear that Chandler would somehow find out about her infidelity had more or less gone. She hadn't forgotten about Mark, but she had pushed him to the back of her mind, and never thought of him. Not because she missed him too much, but because she was ashamed of the fact that she had cheated on Chandler and deeply regretted the mistake. Also, she knew Chandler could read her like a book, and nearly always knew exactly what she was thinking, so she was secretly afraid that if she thought about Mark, Chandler would know. Perhaps it was a silly idea, but she didn't care, because she was too terrified of Chandler finding out to care about whether her ideas were 'silly' or not.  
  
When the menus arrived, Monica couldn't find anything she really wanted to eat, so she just ordered a mixed salad. The others all agreed they would swap food anyway.  
  
Halfway through the meal, Monica suddenly sat up and dropped her fork. Chandler jumped to his feet immediately and put his arm around her shoulders.  
  
"What's the matter? Is it the baby?" he asked, panicked. Monica didn't answer. A few seconds later her hand flew to her bump and she yelped. Chandler was practically dancing with nerves by now.  
  
"I think he kicked," she said happily.  
  
"Oh thank God!" Chandler said, calming down some. He leaned forward and hugged her, letting his hands trail down to her stomach. After a little while, he felt a strong movement. He smiled even wider.  
  
"He kicked!" he exclaimed. He and Monica beamed at each other, looking like two stupid little kids, but not caring.  
  
"Oh, I wanna feel!" Rachel said. she leaned across the table and placed her hand on her friend's stomach. the rest of them forgot their food and gave all their attention to Monica's bumbp. Chandler kept his arm around her through it all, smiling proudly.  
  
That evening, the gang wanted to stay and hang out at Chandler and Monica's apartment for a while, to ooh and aah over the baby, but Chandler quietly asked Ross to go home. Ross had a word with the others as well, and made sure that Chandler and Monica were left alone. They sat on the couch in silence, just enjoying each other's company.  
  
"Thank you," Chandler said softly after a while.  
  
"For what?" Monica asked, surprised.  
  
"For giving me a chance to become a father," he elaborated. Monica smiled and stroked his hair.  
  
"I should be thanking you," she said. "I've wanted to be a mother my whole life."  
  
"Yeah, but you get all the painfull stuff," Chandler argued.  
  
"But I get Jellybabies to make up for it," she laughed. Chandler chuckled.  
  
"But I steal your Jellybabies," he said.  
  
"Yeah, you're right, you win," she agreed.  
  
"Seriously Mon. I'm not just thanking you for getting pregnant, because you're right, I did kinda help you out with that. But if it wasn't for you, I never would have gotten to a place where I was ready for marriage and kids," Chandler said. Monica placed her finger on his lips.  
  
"Shh, she said. "It doesn't matter."  
  
Of course it didn't matter. She didnt' care what Chandler had once thought, she only cared about what he thought now. She was falttered that he thought she had changed him so he was ready to have kids and make a commitment, but she preferred to believe that he had changed himself.  
  
Not long after that, Monica stopped working. Her stomach got in the way of the oven, or chopping board, or whatever else she was doing. She had taken maternity leave, but wasn't sure if she would ever go back once the baby was born. She got increadibly bored staying at home all day, but with the upcoming expense of a baby, they couldn't afford for Chandler to stay home as well. Rachel came over, but it was Joey who was always there. He rarely worked, and when he went to auditions, he nearly always came back with funny stories of actors who were even worse than him.  
  
One day while Joey was at an audition for a movie, there was a knock on the door. Monica lumbered to her feet and waddled over to answer the door. She supposed it was probably just someone selling something, but she had nothing better to do than answer the door.  
  
"Hi," her visitor greeted her.  
  
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. She grabbed hold of the door frame to stop herself from falling.  
  
"Pregnancy suits you well," he said. monica forced a tesne smile.  
  
"Thanks," she mumbled. "What are you doing here?" she asked.  
  
"I'm sorry Mon, I had to come back," he said. "Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure," she said. There was nothing else she could say. The two of them walked in and sat on the couch.  
  
"Monica, I know we broke up but I've spent the last three months missing you more than I believed possible," he said.  
  
"No, Mark, no. You can't do this to me. Chandler and I are engaged. I'm pregnant with his baby. I dont' miss you. I don't love you," she said forcefully. He blinked hard.  
  
"I don't care Monica. Don't make me say goodbye to you. Dont' push me away. I've done a hell of a lot of thinking since you broke up with me. And I think there is a perfectly good chance that your baby is my baby. Remember that time in my kitchen?" he reminded her. She sighed. She did rememeber. The only time she'd had unprotected sex with Mark.  
  
"So? One time compared to dozens of times without a condom with Chandler around the time the baby was concieved," she argued. She knew the baby was Chandler's. It had to be Chandler's. She hated Mark for putting doubts in her head.  
  
"Its still a chance Mon. I think you should get a paternity test when the baby's born," he said. Monica sighed again.  
  
"Mark, I can't. Don't you understand that? Chandler doesn't know about our affair. I don't want him ever to know. And if I suggest a paternity test, I think he might just guess that I haven't been totally faithful, don't you?" she said sarcastically.  
  
"I know Mon, I know. I'm sorry. But I have to know if I'm going to have a kid," Mark persisted.  
  
"Mark, please don't ask me to do this. I love Chandler. You and I, we have nothing. Please don't make me hurt Chandler," she begged.  
  
"I'm not the one hurting him. I'm not the one he loves. I'm not engaged to anyone. When I started seeing you, I didn't know you were with anyone," Mark reminded her.  
  
"You didn't notice my engagement ring, then?" she commented.  
  
"If I remember correctly, you weren't wearing it when I asked you out. If you cared at all about Chandler, you should have mentioned him then."  
  
"I was catering! I don't wear my ring when I'm cooking," Monica said.  
  
"So what? You still didnt' say 'no, I can't go out with you, I'm engaged'," Mark pointed out.  
  
"I know, I know. Okay, so its all my fauly, I know that. But for God's sake, I made a mistake! I'm going to spend the rest of my life regretting it. Dont' make me regret losing Chandler as well," Monica pleaded.  
  
"You keep saying that I'm making you do things, but Mon, you are a competant adult. You didn't have to go our with me, you didn't have to keep on seeing me, you didn't have to lie to Chandler. That was all you Monica," he said angrily.  
  
"So please, just go. I'm asking you to leave, because I dont' want to start this again, I don't want to risk Chandler finding out. You said I'm responsible for my own actions, so I'm asking you to leave right now," she instructed. She wanted to cry, but her eyes were dry. She wasn't going to waste any more tears on Mark Robertson.  
  
He cut her off by kissing her. Monica was kissing him back evern before she knew what she was doing. She sank into the kiss and let him push her down on the couch. His fingers fumbled manically with her baggy maternity blouse. She pushed him off her and sat up to unfasten it. He fell on her exposed body, covering her with kisses. Her hands slid up the back of his shirt, while he undid a few of his own buttons to help her along. Once she pulled the shirt over his head, Monica's hands roamed freely over Mark's back. She kissed him hungrily. She had missed his kisses without even being aware of it. They were so different to Chandler's loving kisses, more demanding somehow. But with nowhere near as much love in them. She tried to forget about Chandler, but she couldn't. He was such a big part of her life, she couldn't just forget him, even for a moment.  
  
When they finished, Monica couldn;'t look at him. She felt so unbelievably guilty. She knew she should have learned her lesson last time, but that hadn't stopped her doing it again. She reached for her clothes, crying. Unlike Chandler, Mark made no attempt to comfort her.  
  
"What did we just do?" she asked quietly in a shocked voice.  
  
"I think you already know," Mark todl her.  
  
"Why? Why couldnt' you just leave me alone? Why did you have to do have to do this to me?" she demanded. She got up and wiped her eyes forcefully with the back of her hand. She stared at Mark.  
  
"Mon, don't be mad at me," he begged. "I know you asked me to leave, and I completely ignored you, but don't tell me you weren't enjoying that, because from what I heard, you were loving it," he said.  
  
"So what? Its a physical reaction Mark. It doesn't even compare to what I have with Chandler," she argued.  
  
"Monica, I know you love Chandler. I know you don't love me. I thought I didn't love you you. But, like I said, I've done a lot of thinking since we broke up. And I realised that even though I don't love you, I do care about you a lot. And I think we have something worth holding onto," Mark said. Monica put her head in her hands.  
  
"No, I don't want to do anything else to hurt Chandler," she said.  
  
A week later, Monica and Mark were kissing on the couch. Mark had persuaded her not to stop seeing him, although she hated herself everytime Mark touched her. And when she Chandler Chandler were in bed together at night, she felt even worse. He would lie there for hours, just stroking her stomach in wonder at the little life inside. Mark said he tried to pretend the bump wasn't there.  
  
"God Monica, even when you're pregnant, you're sexy," Mark whispered in her ear. Monica smiled but didn't answer. Mark pushed aside her shirt and kissed her breast where it swelled above her bra, making her moan softly.  
  
"Fuck!" Chandler's voice said from the doorway.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Just to clear something up, Mark is the guy who helped break up R&R. I'm not sure about his last name, so dont' yell at me for that. I know this part is short, but the next is on the way soon. Please review and tell me if you like what I've done so far. 


	5. Part 5

Broken Hearts (part 5)  
  
Monica pushed Mark away form her and straightened her clothes. She didn't look at Chandler, who stood frozen in the doorway. Mark stood up and backed away from the couch.  
  
"Monica," Chandler said in a shaky voice.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she said, tears already streaming down her cheeks.  
  
"Get the fuck out of here before I kill you," Chandler said in a low, dangerous voice. For a second Monica thought he was talking to her, but he was staring at Mark, and from that look, Monica could tell he meant what he was saying. Mark obviously thought so too, because he hurried out of the apartment without pausing to look at either Monica or Chandler. Monica didn't watch him leave, she just looked at Chandler.  
  
"Chandler," she said desperately.  
  
"Monica, what the hell are you doing to me?" Chandler asked, deeply hurt.  
  
"I'm so so so sorry, Chandler," she said. She stood up and went over to him, trying to comfort him. She reached up to touch his face. But her jerked away form her hands, stepping backwards into the hallway. He wasn't angry, but he acted as if her touch would burn him.  
  
"Tell me I didn't just see what I thought I saw," he begged. Monica was silent. She loved him to much to try and lie to him, to explain it all away, even though he looked like he wanted to hear anything other than the truth. Anything that would allow him to believe that his wife was faithful. "Please, Mon, he said softly, begging her with his eyes.  
  
"I can't," she whispered.  
  
Chandler walked past her into the apartment. He sat down in the livingroom, a look of pure shock and pain on his face, which suddenly looked ten years older. Monica shut the door and followed him.  
  
"Why? Why Monica? Please just tell me why?" he pleaded in a monotone that scared her.  
  
"Does there have to be a specific reason?" Monica asked. She didn't' want to tell him that she'd just wanted the thrill of a new relationship before she got married. It sounded petty and stupid now.  
  
"Yes, because otherwise it just means you don't give a shit about me anymore, that you don't think I even deserve and explanation as to why my fiancee, my pregnant fiancee, is cheating on me," Chandler said, still sounding mortally wounded.  
  
"I don't know. I ended it, but he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer," she said, standing in front of Chandler, she felt like she was on trial, and Chandler was judge, jury, witness and defendant.  
  
"What? Monica, how long ago did this start?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Six months ago. But it only lasted for a month. He came round last week, and that's when it started again," she said. She saw no point in lying. Chandler would see through her anyway.  
  
"Six months? So you were seeing him when you got pregnant?" he demanded. Silently, Monica nodded. "You fucking bitch!" Chandler screamed at her. She recoiled from his anger in fright. "So if I hadn't walked in on you two today, I could have spent my whole life bringing up that bastard's son!?" he shouted.  
  
"No, Chandler, its your baby," Monica insisted.  
  
"How the fuck do I know that?"  
  
"Think about it Chandler. We were trying for a baby. You really think I'd be stupid enough to have unprotected sex with another man?"  
  
"I never thought you'd be stupid enough to screw another man. How would I know if you're stupid enough not to use a condom?" Chandler said meanly.  
  
"We did Chandler, I swear," Monica told him. She didn't mention the one time they hadn't.  
  
"You can't guarantee me that its my baby, can you? Only as far as condoms guarantee protection. That's 99% Monica," Chandler said.  
  
"Chandler, all I can do is say I'm sorry. What happens next is up to you," Monica said.  
  
"I want him to have a paternity test," Chandler said coldly. Monica thought it was ironic that Mark wanted the same thing. "I love that little boy so goddamn much already, but I don't want to always wonder if he really is my son."  
  
"He is Chandler, I know he is," Monica insisted again.  
  
"I can't believe you've done this to me. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I thought you felt the same way about me. You're my whole life, and I can't live without you, but by God, Monica, I wish I could. I wish I could hate you and throw you out and forget you. But I can't. I love you way to much," Chandler said brokenly. Hearing him say that he wanted to hate her but couldn't made monica hate herself.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she said again.  
  
"If you were at all sorry, you wouldn't have had an affair. And you especially wouldn't have restarted it last week! Mon, you're pregnant! Did that tiny fact just kind of slip your mind?"  
  
"No, but," Monica started to defend herself.  
  
"Monica, nothing you sat can get you out of this. Nothing can make it okay for you to cheat, especially when you're pregnant."  
  
"Chandler, the fact that I'm pregnant has nothing to do with this," monica shouted, raising her voice for the first time. "This is about you and me, not the baby."  
  
Chandler's fist flew out before he could stop it. He hit Monica hard on her left cheek. She was shocked and scared by the violence of Chandler's reaction. Monica held her hand to her cheek and stared at him, stunned.  
  
"Mon, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I was angry and hurt and scared," he confessed. Chandler moved forward to Monica and reached up to her injured cheek. She moved away in fright. Chandler looked very sad. "Mon, please," he said in a hurt voice. He suddenly felt very tired. His heart was smashed into tiny pieces by the woman he loved, and now he had hit this same woman, who had hurt him so bad, but who he still loved, and who was pregnant, probably with his baby. Monica let him touch her cheek, which he did with the same tenderness as when they were making love.  
  
"Chandler, if the baby has a paternity test, and he is yours, what will you do? Will you forgive me? Will we split up and share custody? What?" monica asked after several minutes of silence.  
  
"I don't know," he said slowly. "No, actually I do know," he said after a few seconds, having realised that there was only one thing he could possibly do. "I couldn't leave you Mon. No matter what you've put me through, I would never leave you. And as for the custody thing, I love that little boy so much already. I don't want to only see him on odd weekends, like Ross sees Ben. I want to tuck my son in every night, and help you get up to see to him at two thirty am. I want to be a proper Daddy, not just the guy who donated sperma and a last name," he said carefully. Monica nodded, taking it all in.   
  
"And what if he isn't yours?" she asked, because she had to know.  
  
"Then my life is over," Chandler said simply.  
  
Monica hated herself for doing that to him. Whatever happened, she woudl still have her son. Chandler was right, he didn't even have that guarunteed to him anymore. Monica would never stop her son seeing his father, but what if Chandler wasn't the father.  
  
They were silent for a long time. Chandler cried quietly, while Monica moved around the apartment making dinner. Chandler occassionally looked up to watch her, but if she noticed his gaze, he instantly looked away. He couldn't believe that even as he wondered if he would ever really have her back, like she used to be, he couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful she looked.  
  
Monica made a pasta sauce that she knew Chandler loved. When it was ready she called him to the table and served the meal. Chandler sat down and stared at the food as if he had never seen it before in his life. When Monica sat down herself, she realised she wasn't hungry at all.  
  
"I'm not hungry," Chandler said childishly.  
  
"Me neither," Monica said. She ventured a smile.  
  
"This is stupid," he said. "We're sat here, trying to be normal, trying to pretend nothings changed. But Mon, it has. Everythings changed. Its all ruined now."  
  
"I know I've hurt you Chandler. But if we're going to have a chance of raising our son together, we have to move on," she said.  
  
"Mon, I woke up this morning totally happy and in love. But right now it feels like the only thing i know is the hurt of what you've done. I want to move on, but I can't."  
  
They sat at the table for another ten minutes before realising that the food was going cold, and they weren't going to eat it anyway, or try and talk to each other. Monica smiled and stood up, to clear away the plates. Chandler stopped her.  
  
"You cooked it. I was too ungratefull to eat it, I'll clean up," he said bitterly.  
  
"Okay, thanks," monica said, continuing the pretense of normality. "I'm gonna go take a shower.  
  
"'Kay," Chandler said, scraping their untouched food into the bin.  
  
They watched some mind numbing TV for an hour or so later, but neithe rof them paid much attention. Chandler was staring at Monica, wondering if she loved Mark, wondering if she had given Mark as much pleaseure as she gave him, wondering if Mark gave her as much as he did. Monica was busy thinking abot how much she loved Chandler and wondering why she had ever slept with Mark in the first place.  
  
"I'm going to bed," she said at about ten o'clock. They never normally went to bed that early, unless they wanted to have sex, but she couldn't take the tension that filled the living room for much longer. It felt like the air would burst into flamesat any moment, with any seemingly innocent thing as the ignition.  
  
"Okay," Chandler said, but didn't move to follow her. She couldn't help feeling slightly relieved. If she was asleep when he came in, they wouldn't have to do any more pretending.  
  
Once Monica was in bed, she couldn't fall asleep. She wasn't at all tired, because it was too early for her to fall asleep, and the baby kept her awake most nights, meaning she usually slept until mid morning. When Chandler came in an hour later, he was quiet so he didn't wake her up. But when he slid under the covers, he felt her move her leg restlessly. Her calf brushed his knee and he flinched. She withdrew her legs back over to her side of the bed instantly. Her reaction puzzled Chandler. he had flinched because he was surprised, because he thought she was asleep. Did she think he flinched because he didn't want to touch her?  
  
Moncia hated sleeping alone. She liked haveing Chandler's strong arms around her, protecting her. But she doubted that he woudl want to touch her right now, and his reaction when she accidentally touched him, proved it. So she was very surprised when Chandler rolled over and put his arm around her.  
  
"Monica?" he whispered, "Are you awake?" She turned her head to face him. "I want you," he said. Monica was shocked, both by his words and his tone of voice.  
  
"Chandler?" she said. She had thought he wouldn't want to sleep with her for a while, definately not tonight. He didn't answer, he just rolled her over onto her back. He was wearing boxers, which he kicked off. He pulled Monica's nightie over her head.  
  
The sex they had that night wasn't making love. It wasn't at all loving, or passionate. Chandler didn't care about Monica's feelings. He didn't care what she wanted. He even almost forgot about the bump. He just wanted to have sex wiht her, sort of to reclaim her from Mark. Because he was so insensitive, he hurt her without meaning to, he didn't notice the pained expression on Monica's face and she didn't dare ask him to stop or to be more gentle, because she felt like he was punishing her. He pounded into her, getting the physical reaction from his own body, but not enjoying it one bit.  
  
When he was done, Chandler moved back to his side of the bed. Monica turned so her back faced Chandler. She was crying quietly, unable to believe that her beloved Chandler could hurt her like that. She was awake for another hour before she eventuallt cried herself to sleep. She thought Chandler was asleep, but he wasn't, he was wide awake. Hearing her cry made him long to put his arms around her and hold her and comfort her, maybe even make love to her again, this time like he usually did, with love and tenderness. But he didn't. he just lay there, not looking at her, but hearing her muffled sobs.  
  
In the morning, Moncia woke up alone. She wasn't upset by what Chandler had done anymore, just angry at him. Just because she had cheate don him, didnt' give him the right to treat her like shit.  
  
When she was dressed, monica went out into the livingroom, her anger changed into something she didn't recognise. Chandler had gone to work but had left a single red rose, and a note on the table. She smiled as she picked up the rose, hoping that it was a peace offering. She felt a sharp pain in her finger and dropped the rose. There was a tiny dorp of blood on her finger tip. She sucked her finger and unfolded the note.  
  
Monica,  
Like you, this rose is beautiful  
Like you, it also causes pain  
Beauty or pain  
You see whichevr you want to see  
Chandler  
  
Moncia smiled ironically. So much for a peace offering. She never knew Chandler to be much of a person for meaningful metaphors, but it seemed her had more talent than she had thought.  
  
When Chandler came home, he already regretted leaving the mean note and the rose for monica. After all he had done to her last night, why did he have to do more? Monica was in the bathroom, he could hear the shower running. She had thrown out the note, but the rose sat on top of the coffee table in a plain white vase.  
  
Dinner that night was more normal that it had been the previous night. Monica cooked, they both ate, Chandler cleared away the dishes. They talked about trivial things, but once the safe topics of Chandler's day at work, the shopping Monica would get tomorrow and what their friends were up to had all been exhausted, they ate in silence. It seemed there was far too much silence between them these days. There never used to be. Chandler would have filled every pause with a joke or sarcastic remark. Moncia had never expected to miss that, but she did.  
  
Later on, Joey, Rachel and Phoebe came over to hang out. Rachel said Ross would have come, but Carol and Susan had gone to New Jersey to visit Susan's sister, so he had Ben staying with him for the week. Monica was unsure how to act around the others. She didn't know how Chandler was going to play it with them, so she decided to wait until Chandler called it before she mentioned Mark, or that anything was wrong between her and Chandler.  
  
He smiled as he poured drinks for all five of them, then sat on the couch next to Monica and casually put his arm around her. She froze under his touch, but as Chandler squeezed her arm slightly, she leaned towards him.  
  
"That's a beautiful rose mon," Rachel said, pointing to the vase on the coffee table. This time, it was Chandler's turn to wonder what Monica would say. He wasn't really expecting her to say: 'yes, Chandler gave it to me because its beautiful and causes pain, like me'. But then, he hadn't expected her to cheat. maybe he didn't really know her at all anymore.  
  
"Yes, Chandler gave it to me," monica said easily. She turned and kissed his cheek. She wasn't really lying, just leaving out a few things.  
  
All evening, the pretense that everything was normal, that they were still as happy and in love as they always had been went on. But when the others had left, monica asked him why he had kept it up.  
  
"Why? You want them to find out?" Chandler asked, genuinely surprised, even if the sarcasm hid it well.  
  
"No, its just, I don't know. I guess I expected you to want to humiliate me," Monica said. 'Like you did last night,' she added silently, but Chandler guessed that was what she was thinking.  
  
"No, not at all. Besides, if the baby's mine, i want us to be able to go back to something resembling what we used to have. That'll never happen if they all hate you for cheating on me," Chandler said matter of factly.  
  
Monica put her head down. he was right. If their friends ever found out what she had done, they would hate her. Especially Ross and Rachel, who had already had their relationship screwed up by Mark, they woudlnt' want Chandler to go through the same thing. And especially Joey, Chandler's best friend. Phoebe too, because she had her strong moral principals, although Monica thought Phoebe was the one most likely to stick up for her in the end. And she depended entirely on Chandler's good will to keep her friends.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Don't hate me for making Chandler petty and mean. Its all gonna change later. Please review, even if its flames.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Part 6

Broken Hearts (part 6)  
  
That night was a repeat of the previous night. Monica kept quiet; she was expecting it and endured it without comment. However, she still cried herself to sleep when it was over. Chandler had hoped to find some enjoyment in it this time, he wasn't cruel enough to deliberately hurt Monica. He wasn't sure why he kept doing it, but it certainly wasn't out of spite. It wasn't for some sort of perverse pleasure either, since it gave him none.  
  
Once again, when Monica woke up at about half past nine, Chandler was at work. On the kitchen table lay another note and gift. This time he had left her a plastic daisy. Monica frowned, confused, and read the accompanying note with dread.  
  
Monica  
When you say "he loves me, he loves me not"  
Which one of us do you mean?  
Or do you say "Chandler loves me, Mark loves me"?  
Maybe you could use that method to find out which one of us you love.  
Chandler  
  
Monica could have cried. She loved Chandler, she had never doubted that, even for a moment. There was no choice for her to make, she loved Chandler. Mark meant nothing to her. He never had.  
  
Chandler came home for the second night in a row wondering if monica would hate him. He was also afraid of finding the plastic daisy in a vase, like the rose had been, but there was no sign of either the daisy or the note. Monica must have thrown them away.  
  
Their conversation that night was a little more normal. Monica dared to bring up the subject of her ultrasound, which was the day after tomorrow, and Chandler listened, but didnt' ask for any details, or offer to come with her. Chandler secretly longed to go to see his baby son, but he was afraid of becoming too attatched to it, in case he wasn't the father.  
  
Chandler didn't have to work tomorrow, so he decided it would be okaty to go out with ross and joey. Monica didn't ask where they were going, because she didn't want to be told that they were going to 'pick up chicks'. Joey dragged the other two guys to a stip club. Ross seemed to have a good time, although he turned beetroot red when he put a dollar bill into the G-string of one of the dancers. Joey went home with one of the strippers, so he was happy.  
  
Chandler had only agreed to go to take his mind off monica for a few hours. He hated sitting at home with her and not talking. He missed making her laugh, and he missed her smiling at him. But even here, he couldn't forget her. He kept thinking that while all the strippers looked nice enough, none of them even compared to Monica. He mumbled this to Joey, who looked at him like he was crazy. He agreed that Monica was pretty, but kept pointing out how gorgeous the strippers were. Chandler nodded tiredly. He couldnt' be bothered arguing, although he did feel slightly guilty for not defending Monica.  
  
Monica was already in bed when he came home, somehow even more depressed than he had been when he left. He didn't have the heart to disturb her, but he wasn't tired, so he sat up in bed and watched her sleep. She lay on her back, with her long hair spread around her. Her hands were curled into childlike fists either side of her head, which faced Chandler. Her lips were slightly parted, and her breath was slow and steady. Her stomach drew his hands and he gently stroked it, trying not to wake her, but needing to feel the life that was growing inside his wife. Occassionally, he felt the baby move, and he was amazed every time.   
  
"Chandler?" Monica mumbled. Chandler immediately froze and looked up at her face, but her eyes were closed, she was still asleep. He smiled, glad that it was still him she dreamt of, not Mark. He didn't think he could bear to sleep in the same bed as her while she dreamt of another man.   
  
Chandler spent his day off with Ross and Ben. He left before Monica woke up, not wanting to have to face her again. He had always had a weak spot for her, but he had never really known how much power she had over him, without even trying. Although it wasn't just her, it was the baby too.  
  
Monica knew Chandler was gone as soon as she woke up. She supposed he could have just got up and still be in the apartment, but she doubted it. She sighed as she heaved herself out of bed, hoping she wouldn't find another note and gift. She didn't. The table was covered with the same magazines and newspapers as last night, plus a couple of empty plates, which she assumed were Chandler and Joey's.  
  
Phoebe and Rachel came over at about twelve, wanting lunch. usually, Monica didn't mind cooking for all her friends, but today she wasn't in the mood.   
  
"Can't we just get takeaway?" she asked.  
  
"No, because its all greasy and finger marks, eww!" Phoebe said, knowing that the thought of stains on the couch might make Monica more likely to cook.  
  
"On second thoughts, I don't want anything greasy right now," Monica said.  
  
"So you'll cook?" Rachel asked hopefully.  
  
"No," Monica said firmly. "I'm sorry guys, I just don't feel like it today."  
  
"Will you feel like it tomorrow?" Rachel inquired. She wasn't sure if any of the others could be relyed upon to cook meals everyday if Monica suddenly decided she didnt' want to.  
  
"I don't know Rach. As a pregnant woman I reserve the right to act weird, okay?" Monica said, fed up of her friend's questions.  
  
"Sorry Mon," Rachel said, hurt. She deliberately looked like she was going to cry, forgetting that Monica never fell for that old trick. Monica sighed exasperatedly.  
  
"For God's sake Rach, there is absolutely no reason on earth why you can't cook your own food. I used to cook it out of the goodness of my heart because I like cooking. but just because I don't want to cook everything you eat when I'm six months pregnant, don't turn on the waterworks, because you know that doesn't work with me," she shouted, making Rachel cry for real.  
  
"mon, that was mean," Phoebe said quietly.  
  
"I'm sorry Rach. I've not been sleeping to well, I guess I'm just a bit tired," Moncia apologised.   
  
"Remind me to stay away from her for the next year or so," Phoebe whispered to Rachel, who smiled.  
  
"What do you want for lunch?" Monica sighed. She might as well give in and make them lunch. They would only go on about it for ages if she didn't. As she made lunch, she took care to slam as many drawers and cupboards a possible, clattering the cutlery and chopping vegetables with an expression that suggested she would rather chop up Phoebe and Rachel than the carrots and onions. She slammed the two plates down on the table resentfully.  
  
"Mon, I'm sorry we made you cook lunch," Phoebe said. Monica suddenly felt like she was going to cry. She bit her lip and shook her head, to tell Phoebe that it was okay. She threw two knives and two forks down next to the plates and went into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Rachel went over and knocked.   
  
"Mon? Monica? What's the matter?" she called through the door. She opened it a crack and saw Monica lying on her side, facing away from the door. Rachel beckoned Phoebe over and they both went into the room.  
  
"Please don't cry Mon," Phoebe pleaded.  
  
"Go away," she said, her voice muffled.  
  
"Mon, I'm sorry. Come out and have lunch with us," Rachel said. She sat down on the bed and put her hand on Monica's back.  
  
"Not hungry," she mumbled.  
  
"What's the matter Mon?" Rachel asked. "Have you and Chandler had a fight?"  
  
"You could say that," she mumbled.  
  
"Talk to him, okay? You guys are so in love, don't ruin it all over a stupid fight. Nothing can be important enough to break you two up," Phoebe assured her. Monica only wished that was true, that her friend's view of her and Chandler's relationship as perfect was real.  
  
"Please, just leave me alone," Monica begged. Phoebe touched her arm in a comforting way, Rachel stroked her back. But there was nothng either of them could do or say to make Monica feel better.  
  
They took their lunch over to Joey's, leaving Monica alone, as she had asked, although they felt bad about doing so. Sitting on the stools by the counter, they picked at the lunch Monica had made for them.  
  
"Rach, she's pregnant. It's a well known fact that pregnant women act weird," Phoebe pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, but I don't think she was lying when she said she and Chandler had a fight," Rachel argued. "I'm worried about them."  
  
"So what? So they had a fight! Rachel Karen Green, they're a perfectly normal couple. Just because they don't fight as much as you and Ross did, that doesn't mean they're perfect. All couples fight. They'll get over it, whatever 'it' is," Phoebe said. Rachel sniffed. "Oh, don't do that!" Phoebe snapped impatiently.  
  
Chandler came home to an empty apartment. Monica hadn't left a note telling him where she'd gone. He was surprised that she had gone out at all. He wondered for a brief moment if she had sneaked (sneaked? She was a grown woman. She didn't have to sneak anywhere) out to see Mark, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Monica wasn't that mean. If she'd needed to talk to Mark, she would have phoned him, not gone to see him. But she wouldn't want to see him anyway. At least not if Chandler knew her as well as he thought. He had half expected her to stay and hide away. He knew it was a ridiculous idea, but that hadn't stopped it from forming.  
  
Monica was at Central Perk with Joey and Phoebe. Chandler had gone down for a coffee, not really expecting Monica to be there, but he couldn't help smiling when he saw her. She looked so much happier than he'd seen her since he found out about her and Mark. She was laughing at a joke Joey was telling them. Chandler frowned when he saw Joey put his arm around Monica and kiss her cheek. Joey stood up and started to leave. He also hugged Phoebe and kissed her cheek, but Chandler didn't notice that.  
  
"Hi Chandler," Joey said as he walked past him. Chandler grabbed his shirt and pushed him against the wall, making sure they were out of sight of the girls.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he said in a fierce whisper.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Joey asked, shocked. "Whats the matter with you, man?"  
  
"You kissed my fiancee!" Chandler hissed.  
  
"Yeah, a friendly kiss, on the cheek, just like I gave Phoebe," Joey said slowly. "ARe you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yes, I'm fine," Chandler said furiously. He let go of Joey, who back away nervously. Chandler sighed. "Get a grip Chandler," he muttered to himself. He couldn't believe how paranoid he was being. Of course Joey wouldn't kiss Monica! He was Chandler's best friend, who might sleep with a lot of women, but who wouldn't sleep with his best friend's girl, who also happened to be the sister of his other best friend. Chandler shook himself mentally, and entered the coffee house.  
  
"Hi," Phoebe greeted him.  
  
"Hi," Chandler replied.  
  
"Hi honey," Monica said. Chandler bent and kissed her quickly. He imagined, stupidly, that he could smell Joey's cologne on her skin.  
  
"I thought you two had a fight?" Phoebe said, confused by the way they had greeted each other normally.  
  
"No," Chandler said, surprised.  
  
"But Monica was upset," Phoebe said quietly. She wondered why her friend had lied ot her, and what Chandler and Monica were hiding.  
  
"I was upset about something," she told Chandler later on when he asked her what she'd told Phoebe.  
  
"So you said we'd had a fight to avoid having to explain that you cheated on me. I assume that was the 'something' you were upset about?" Chandler said coldly.  
  
"Yes," monica said softly.  
  
"Like I said before, I don't want them to know," Chandler said, talking almost to himself. "There are times when I wish I could just tell them and I would never have to see you again. But at other times, I just want to kiss you and forget everything and pretend its all the same as it used to be."  
  
"Me too," Monica said.  
  
"I love you so much Monica. SO much that it hurts. When I walked in on you and Mark, do you know what my first thought was? I thought he was going to rape you. It took until you said 'sorry' for me to realise that when he kissed you, you kissed him back. You enjoyed his touch and returned it. And you invited him in. And in that moment, my heart shattered like glass."  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she whispered. "I can't imagine how much i hurt you. I don't pretend to know what you're going through right now. But I want to understand Chandler."  
  
"I want you to understand too Mon. You don't know what its like to go through this all by my self. I can't tell anyone what's going on, I can't talk to you anymore."  
  
"Chandler, you know you can always talk to me. Whether or not we're still together when we come out the other side of theis, I hope we'll still be friends," monica said. She was terrified of losing CHandler's love, but losing him altogether would be even worse.  
  
"No Monica. Because right now, when I don't know anything, I can hardly stand being so close to you all the time. If I find out that the baby is Mark's, then I think I will want to die. I certainly won't want to see you every dat, or talk to you. I don't think I'll ever trust you as much as I once did, even if it is my baby. But hopefulyl I will be able to start to trust you again eventually."  
  
"Monica hoped and prayed that her son was Chandler's. Because she knew she would lose him if it was Mark's baby. She didn't want to live her whole life never seeing Chandler again, never touching him, never kissing him, never making love to him ever again.  
  
Even as he told Monica she would lose him if it was Mark's baby, Chandler wasn't sure how he would ever manage to live wihtout her. She was his whole life. The reason he got up every morning was so he could reach over and kiss her awake. His whole reaosn for living was to get to talk to her, make her laugh, hold her, kiss her, touch her, make love to her. He had never had that with any other woman before, and he had once felt so lucky to have found it in Moncia. Chandler didn't think he could stand to lose her, or the son he was sure was his.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, I know it got very sappy, so you dont' need to tell me that. but please review, you've read this far, how hard can it be to leave a tiny little review?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Part 7

Broken Hearts (part 7)  
  
Over the next three months, things between Chandler and Monica stabalised. He stopped talking to her about important things, preparing himself to let her go. Monica's pregnancy progressed well, but when she tried to talk to CHandler about the baby, he woudl always find something else to do, or another topic of conversation. He didn't go with Moncia to the doctors, but she left the pictures he gave her on the kitchen table, or the dresser in their bedroom and Chandler always found them, and spent long minutes staring at them. Monica had worked out that Chandler was preparing himself to lose her and the baby and it saddened her because she knew the baby was Chandler's. She knew she couldnt' force him into loving her as much as he used to, and she wouldn't dream of trying. But she didn't want the baby to suffer because of it, which was why she left pictures from her ultrasound lying around for him to find.  
  
The only thing that hadn't changed was the way they acted around their friends. Chandler kidded himself that he was only so loving and protective of Monica and the baby when the others where there because he didn't want them to suspect anything. But he knew he took every oppertunity when they were there to kiss Monica, or put his arm around her, or stroke her stomach. He denied himself these things when he and Monica were alone, but under the pretense of pretending he found the little pleasures which had once filled his life.  
  
They still slept in the same bed, althogh they never touched, and rarely spoke. Chandler would pretedn to fall asleep straight away, but the truth was that Monic was restless near the end of her pregnancy, which kept him awake as well. As she moved around, trying to get comfortable, he wished he could hold her, knowing she would settle with his arms around her.  
  
It was one night in May, when Monica was nine months pregnant that she broke the invisible barriers between them. She leaned over and touched his shoulder. Her touch was light and unsure, not wanting him to react badly.  
  
"Chandler," she whispered. He was awake, but didn't want her to know he spent many sleepless nights waiting for her to fall asleep, so he just mumbled something incomprehensible. "Chandler," she said a little more forcefully.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Chandler, I think its the baby," she said. Those were the magic words. He jumped up, but got tangled up in the covers.  
  
"Oh my God!" he said, struggling to get free. He ran around to her side of the bed and gently pulled the covers away form her and helped her out of bed. "Oh God!" he said.  
  
"Its okay. I'm okay. Its gonna be okay," moncia muttered, not sure whether she was talking to Chandler or to herself.  
  
Chandler grabbed a pair of pants and pulled them on, not caring whether they were clean or dirty. He ran down to the street and tried desperately to find a taxi. When he finally managed to get one, he told him to wait while he got his pregnant girlfriend. The cab driver huffed and puffed, but agreed to wait.  
  
"Chandler, my water just broke," monica greeted him when he went upstairs to fetch her.  
  
"Breaking isn't good," he said worriedly.  
  
"Its fine," she assured him.  
  
"There a taxi downstairs. Are you ready to go to the hospital?" he asked. SHe nodded and clutched her stomach. "What's wrong?" he asked, panicking  
  
"First contraction," she explained. Chandler grabbed her hand and took her bag off her, hurrying her down to the taxi.  
  
At the hospital, Chandler acted like any other expectant husband would. He stayed with Monica the whole time, not even wanting to leave her long enough to call Ross and the others. He held her hand for the entie ten hour labour, telling her she was doing great, and he was so proud of her.  
  
It was early afternoon when Chandler heard the cry of the baby boy, and Chandler and Monica both joined the child in crying. Monica was handed a tiny, red, screaming baby, wrapped in blue blanket, that to his proud parents was perfection personified.  
  
In that instant Chandler forgot all the pain of the last few months. All he knew was that his beautiful girlfriend had just given him a wonderful son. He kissed them both. "I love you," he whispered, so low only Monica (and the baby, if he was listening) could hear him. Monica smiled. She had waited so long to hear those words spoken by Chandler and not followed by him saying that he didn't want to love her. They were just so simple and wonderful to hear him say.  
  
"I love you too," she told him. He smiled and stroked her hair away from her flushed face.  
  
Not until later, when both Monica and the baby had been checked over by the doctor and had been transferred to a ward, did Chandler remember that the others still didn't know two of their friends were parents.  
  
"I'm gonna go call Ross," Chandler said softly.  
  
"'kay," Monica murmered, not taking her eyes of the baby. Chandler kissed them both on the cheek before he left. The baby's eyelashes fluttered down onto his warm pink cheek and he yawned, showing a tiny toothlessmouth. Chandler smiled affectionately at the little boy, and at Moncia, who barely noticed him, she was so enthralled by her baby.  
  
"Hello," ross said when he picked up the phone.  
  
"Ross, its Chandler."  
  
"Hi, what's up?"  
  
"I have a son!" he said happily. Ross screached.  
  
"Oh my God! i'm an uncle!"  
  
"I'm a father!"  
  
"Woo hoo!" the shouted together  
  
"Okay, I gotta get back to Mon, and our son," Chandler said proudly. "Can you call the others?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Thanks man."  
  
"No problem. Bye."  
  
Chandler hung up beaming. he was so happy that he forgot all about Mark, and the chance that the baby he was so excited about wasn't his after all. He couldnt' imagine the perfect little boy in Monica's arms belonging to anyone other than him and Monica.  
  
When he returned to see Monica, both of them were asleep. Chandler kissed her softly and took the baby out of her arms. Chandler watched the child sleep and rocked him gently. There was soft, fine dark hair on the baby's head, which reminded him of the photos Ross had showed him of Monica as a baby.  
  
Chandler gently laid him in the plastic cot and sat by Monica. He watched her sleeping, as he had done so many times before. her hair was messy, her cheeks lightly flushed, she wore no make up, and yet she was smiling and she was beautiful.  
  
When she woke up, Moncia was surprised that Chandler was still there. The baby was awake now, and in Chandler's arms. He was crying, and although Chandler was trying to calm him down, the sound had woken her. She understood that Chandler had wanted to be there during the birth, but she didn't know why he was still with her now it was over. But when she noticed the way he was looking at the baby, she understood.  
  
"Hi," she said sleepily.  
  
"Hi, how are you feeling?" Chandler asked, sounding genuinely concerned about her.  
  
"Tired, sore. But happy," she said, smiling.  
  
"I think he's hungry. The nurse gave me some formular that i could give him, but I thought you'd want to feed him yourself. I was gonna give it him soon, if you didn't wake up. He's only just started crying," Chandler said quickly. As he said the bit about Monica wanting to feed him herself, he realised that they'd never actually talked about whether or not she would breastfeed, and hoped he hadn't said the wrong thing. Monica smiled. Even though they had never talked about it, he knew her, and he knew she would want to breastfeed her son.  
  
"Yeah," she said. Chandler smiled and handed him over.  
  
"Do you know what to do?" he asked, not doubting monica's ability to care for her child, just knowing she'd never done this before.  
  
"They showed us at Lamaze class," she said. Chandler winced, wishing he hadn't missed the classes. Monica picked up the baby, unfastened the front of her hospital gown and carefully positioned him. Chandler grinned as the baby began to suck.  
  
"Does it hurt?" he asked worriedly, making a face that looked as though he was imagining how he would hate having a baby sucking on his nipples.  
  
"not really. It just feels weird," she said, still smiling. Not just because holding and feeding her baby was an amazing feeling, but because although she knew she and Chandler still had a long way to go, she thought the worst was over now.  
  
"So what are we gonna name this little guy?" Chandler asked when the baby was done feeding and was back in Chandler's arms again.  
  
"I haven't really thought about it," monica said.  
  
"I don't believe you," Chandler grinned. "You've been thinking about it for almost thirty years."  
  
"Well, I thought you'd want to help think of a name. He is your son after all," she ventured. Chandler had forgotten until then that there had ever been any doubt.  
  
"Yeah. Mon? You are sure he's mine, right?" Chandler asked. Moncia nodded firmly.  
  
"Yes. CHandler. You have to believe me," she said, suddenly scared of losing him again.  
  
"Okay. I do."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
They grinned at each other for a few seconds. "So, what's his name gonna be?"  
  
"I don't care Mon. I mean, i do care, but I mean, I'm sure whatever you pick will be fine," Chandler said. "Just please not Mark. And I'm not wild about Richard either."  
  
"I'm glad to hear it! I don't want to think about you and Richard in that way!" Monica joked, relieved to have the asy friendship back.  
  
"Shut up! I meant the name Richard, and you know it!"  
  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
  
"Seriously, its up to you," Chandler said.  
  
"Okay, well how about Chandler Jr?"  
  
"Anything except Mark, Richard or Chandler Jr," was Chandler's answer.  
  
"Well, what's your Dad called? Maybe we could do something with that?" Monica suggested.  
  
"Julia?" Chandler said unentusiastically.  
  
"Or maybe not."  
  
"I don't mean to be rude, but Jack Bing doesn't sound so good," CHandler said. Monica was just happy to hear Chandler give the baby his surname.  
  
"Yeah. how about Joey Ross or Ross joey?"  
  
"It would cause too many arguments over who's name was first. Look, why does he have to be named after someone we know, anyway? There are loads of other names in the world."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. Um, Daniel?" she suggested.  
  
"I was just about to say the same thing," Chandler laughed. Monica squealed, making Chandler laugh again.  
  
"So Daniel it is then. I like it," Chandler confirmed.  
  
"What about a middle name?" Monica asked. "In case he hates his first name."  
  
"Alexander," Chandler suggested. "The only guy in my high school who didn't come on to me." Monica laughed, knowing he was only joking.  
  
"Daniel Alexander Bing. I love it. And him. And you," Monica said. Chandler looked at Daniel, who had falled asleep again, a milk moustash on his upper lip. Chandler wiped Daniel's mouth, and smelt the warm, sweet smell of baby.  
  
"Hello Daniel Alexander Bing," he whispered.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Like it? Hate it? Please review.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Part 8

****

Broken Hearts (part 8)

"Mon? Can I bring my new boyfriend over for dinner tomorrow night?" Rachel asked.

"She's not your Mom," CHandler reminded her.

"But she is **a **Mom," Joey said. Chandler sighed.

"Sure, any special dietary requirements?" Monica asked in her professional caterer voice, which made Chandler laugh since she was wearing sweatpants, and an old T-shirt of his with something that looked suspiciously like baby sick on one shoulder, her hair was tied back into a messy ponytail, with wisps hanging over her face, and she was carrying three week old Daniel.

"Nope," Rachel said.

"So are you gonna tell us his name or do we have to guess?" Phoebe asked. Rachel smiled and shook her head.

"No, I want it to be a surprise."

"Why?" Ross asked, but Rachel wouldn't say. Even when Monica and Phoebe pestered her about it when the guys weren't there, she wouldn't tell.

The following evening, the gang, minus Rachel, gathered at Chandler and Monica's apartmen. Monica was trying to rock Daniel to sleep before Rachel and her date arrived, but he still seemed very wide awake.

"We're here!" Rachel called and her very familiar date entered. Chandler and Monica both gasped as Mark came in behind Rachel. Mark looked slightly shocked to see Daniel, but didn't comment. Chandler's hands clenched into tight fists by his sides as he resisted the urge ot punch Mark. He toook Daniel off Monica and went to put him to bed. Chandler didn't want Mark around Daniel any longer than he had to be. Ross was also tense at seeing Mark again, but everyone expected that, it was the reason Rachel had been unwilling to tell them who her new boyfriend was. 

"Monica, a word?" Chandler said through clenched teeth. She hurried after him into Daniel's room. "Get that fucking bastard out of here," Chandler demanded as soon as she closed the door.

"I can't! The others will want an explanation, especially Rachel!" she said desperately. She didnt' want Mark around any more than Chandler did. "You think I want him here? You think I want him around our son?"

"How should I know? For all I know he coudl be Mark's son anyway!" 

"You know he's yours!"

"No, I dont't Mon."

"So what, you want a paternity test?"

"Yes," Chandler said seriously.

"Fine. I don't care. It'll just prove you wrong."

"Monica, I don't care about being wrong, don't you see that? I want to be wrong! I want Daniel to be my son!"

"I'll ask the doctor at his six week check up," Monica promised reluctantly. She hated that Chandler didn't trust her, but if it made him feel better, she would do whatever he wanted.

When they went back out inot the livingroom, the ganga was already sitting around the table. Mark looked up at them, worried about how they would act. Moncia avoided his eyes. Chandler had his arm possessively around Monica's waist, but his touch on the slit of skin where her top didn't quite meet her skirt, was cold. She knew that Mark's presense had reverted Chandler back to his angrily possessive, jealous phase, which she had thought he had got over.

Phoebe, Joey and Ross were sat alone one side of the table, Mark and Rachel were sat on the other. Monica had to sit next to Mark, and Chandler sat on the end, between Monica and Ross.

Monica served the meal, smiling at everyone except Mark as she did so, although he and Chandler were the only ones who noticed. Barely two minutes after Monica sat down, she felt Mark's fingertips brush her knee. She knew she couldn't stop him without Chandler noticing, especially since he was watching her like a hawk. She had once welcomed the different-ness of Mark's touch, but now she hated it.

As the meal progressed, Mark's hand slid further up her leg, then back to her knee, then up her thigh again, each time going a little further up, making her squirm. The others exchanged smiles, assuming it was Chandler who was making her squirm like that, even though hoth his hands were on the table, they didn't notice them. Chandler himself narrowed his eyes, but quickly slipped his own hand under the table as well, so no one would notice that it hadn't been there in the first place. He rested his hand firmly on her other leg, making Monica feel even more uncomfortable.

Not until they were drinking their coffee, and Chandler's hand was back on the table, in full view of everyone, did Mark dare to slip his hand into Monica's panties. She jumped away, without actually leaving her seat. Chandler looked daggars at Mark, and everyone else looked shocked.

"Chandler, I know you guys are in love and all, but do you have to finger my baby sister at the dinner table, while I'm right here!" Ross said. Chandler silently held up his hands to show that it wasn't him. He had put up with a lot to keep Monica's adultary from their friends, but he refused to have Mark finger her while he sat there watching. Joey's looked confused, then a grin spread across his face, showing he was thinking something dirty.

"It wasn't me," he said.

"Monica?" Phoebe asked, as confused as all the others. "What's going on?"

Rachel's eyes fell on Mark's hand, which was still under the table. She stared at him in shcok. Ross followed her gaze, appauled. Joey and Phoebe took a moment to work it out, but once they did, their eyes widened in shock. Chandler just looked numb, and very unhappy.

"Monica, I'm sorry. I can't defend you anymore," he said. "I'm in too much pain. You've hurt me too much. I can't keep letting you kill me slowly like this."

"Mark? What the hell are you doing?" Rachel demanded. She stood up and backed away from Mark and Monica.

"Nothing," Mark lied unconvincingly. Chandler snapped when he heard Mark denying it. He punched Mark hard, then before any of the others really knew what was going on, the two men were fighting. Monica watched in horror as they punched and kicked each other. Rachel turned on her friend.

"You and Mark?" she gasped.

"Yes," Monica whispered. Phoebe and Joey looked at her disguested, while Ross pulled Chandler and Mark apart.

"You broke up me and Rachel, you had to break up Chandler and Monica as well," Ross hissed.

"It wasn't just me Ross. Your precious little sister did have something to do with it, you know," Mark reminded everyone.

"Don't' remind me," Monica said. She didn't want to think about the mistakes she had make last year. 

"You wanna explain this at all?" Rachel demanded.

"Not really. I'll let Mon and Mark get themselves out of this one," Chandler said, watchign Monica as she silently struggled for words, his face expressionless.

"Mark and I dated for a while," Monica said nervously.

"Dating? Don't you mean fucking?" Chandler butted in. Monica said nothing, she just nodded reluctantly.

""WE broke up ages ago. I thought it was over until he turned up tonight,"Monica said.

"So now you're blaming me!" Rachel retorted.

"It wasn't her fault Mon. I kinda invited myself. I had to see you," Mark said.

"So you were just using me!" Rachel screamed. "Using me to get to my engaged best friend!"

"Sorry Rach," Mark said sheepishly.

"You bastard!" Phoebe shouted. "Havent' you hurt enough people yet? Haven't you ruined enough lives? Broken enough hearts?"

"Phoebs," Chandler said quietly.

"The two of you are disgusting," Phoebe went on.

"Phoebs, I'd like you guys to leave," Chandler said calmly. Joey looked shocked.

"Are you sure man?" he asked. Chandler nodded.

"Yeah. I think its time the three of us had a little chat," he said. Monica paled.

"How could you do that to me?" Rachel asked Mark quietly. Ross put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her out of the door with him. Phoebe and Joey went ahead of Ross and Rachel. Chandler shut the door behing them.

"When I found you two, I wanted to avoid confrontation. I was just so shocked and hurt, I didn't want to get into long, drawn out discussions with the two people who broke my heart," Chandler said, still very calm.

"Chandler, don't let this change anything. I didn't invite Mark here. I didn't ask him to stick his hand up my skirt," Monica defended herself.

"You didn't stop him," Chandler pointed out.

"How exactly was I supposed to stop him without the other four noticing?"

"I am still here, you know," Mark reminded them.

"Shut up!" Chandler and Monica shouted together.

"No! You guys are talking about me as if I can't hear you!"

"Shut up! You actually think I give a shit about whether you're upset by the way we're talking aboutyou?" Chandler asked.

"I'm sos sorry. I know you guys have all your couple crap to resolve, but I don't want to have to listen to it all," Mark said sarcastically.

"The only reason we **have '**couple crap' to resolve is because of you, so if you don't mind, shut the fuck up!" Chandler shouted. Mark shut up. "Good. Now, you get the fuck out of here right now, and don't even think about coming back. If you do, I swear, I'll kill you."

"Chandler, please don't say things you don't mean," Monica said.

"I do mean them. I hate that bastard. I would hate you too, if I could," Chandler said. Monica sighed. She had hoped she would never hear Chandler say he hated her ever again. It hurt more because she knew it wasn't just something he was saying, he really meant it.

"You know what? I'm gonna go. I'll leave you two to it," Mark said.

"What do you want? A bon voyage party?" Chandler joked meanly. Mark pulled a face that looked like he was trying to come up with a witty response, but it seemed he couldn't, because he just stalked out. Monica expected Chandler to say something more, but once Mark was gone, Chandler just sank onto the couch, looking totallt depressed.

"Monica, I want Daniel to have a paternity test. If he's mine, I hope we can put all this behind us. If he isn't, well I guess its up to you. I will never stop loving you, you know that," Chandler said, calm again. "Until we know for sure, I don't want to talk about this again." Monica nodded. She hated that Mark's return had changed everything. She loved him. She thought they had got past her adultary, but obviously, he hadn't.

"Chandler, I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I made you go through this," Monica said.

"I don't' want to talk about it. Lets just forget it until Daniel has a paternity test. Okay?" Chandler said firmly. Monica nodded again.

Over the next three weeks, before Daniel's next check up, Chandler tried to put an emotional distance between himself and Daniel. Monica knew what he was trying to do, and decided to let him get on with it, knowing he wouldn't welcome her intervention.

Things were back to the way they had been when Monica was pregnant, including the way they spent their nights. Monica still kept quiet, mostly because she didn't want to wake Daniel by screaming. Chandler had started the rough, routine, unloving sex again the night after Mark came to dinner. He didn't really know why he resumed those horrible night, buthe just had so much anger and frustration that he needed to vent, even though he hated them as much as Monica did.

TO BE CONTINUED…

__

How do you like this series so far? Please review!


	9. Part 9

Broken Hearts (part 9)  
  
The day of Daniel's check up was different. Chandler woke up early, before Monica, who had been up most of the night, with Daniel. He crept out of bed and tip-toed into the nursery. Chandler stood over Daniel and watched him sleep. his fine, dark hair fell over his forehead. His clear blue eyes were closed, black eyelashes resting on his sleep flushed cheeks. Chandler hadn't been there long when Daniel's eyes fluttered open and he looked at Chandler.  
  
"Hey there, little guy," Chandler cooed. Daniel smiled up at him. "Mommy's taking you to the doctors today, but don't be scared, coz its just a check up. no nasty jabs or anything this time." chandler picked up the baby and rocked him gently. He stroked the soft baby hair and realised how much he had missed Daniel.  
  
Over the last three weeks, he had avoided touching him whenever possible, not wanting to get too close to the child, in case he had to lose him. Chandler had left most of the work to monica, lying awake in bed while she got up in the middle of the night when Daniel cried. Sitting on the couch, pretending to watch TV when she had to walk round and round the living room if Daniel wouldn't stop crying.  
  
Now though, the baby lay quiet and smiling in Chandler's arms, and Chandler knew he couldn't not love this little person. Although he had insisted on the paternity test, he still didn't really belive that the perfect child he was holding could be Mark's.  
  
Chandler carried him inot the kitchen and made french toast, cereal, coffee and orange juice for Monica, which he put on a tray, alonside a dark pink tulip which he stole from a bouquet Joey had left on the counter of his apartment for the woman he was currently dating. Monica woke up to find Chandler and her son sitting on her bed, a tray of breakfast things on the dresser.  
  
"Morning," she said sleepliy, wondering if she was dreaming the look on Chandler's face.  
  
"Hi. Before you have breakfast, you should probably know that I think he's hungry again," Chandler said apologetically. Since she hadn't gone back to work, monica had been breastfeeding Daniel all the time, and while Chandler wanted her to enjoy her breakfast, he knew that would be impossible when Daniel's squirms and whimpers progressed to screams and wails.  
  
"Okay, come here sweetheart," she said, holding her arms out. Chandler placed the baby into them. Chandler left the room while she fed Daniel. He just didn't feel comfortable watching. Too much had happened between them for that.  
  
Monica didn't call Chandler back when Daniel was done feeding. She didn't want him to feel forced to make small talk with her. She could guess how he felt, knowing that his time with Daniel could be limited. Monica was still convinced that it was Chandler's baby, but she was less sure that even if Daniel was Chandler's baby, whether things between her and Chandler could ever go back to normal.  
  
Just three hours later, Monica and Daniel were on their way to the doctor's. Chandler had wanted to go too, but hadn't managed to get up the courage to ask Monica if he could, and he felt like he did have to ask. So he was stuck waiting alone at the apartment. The others didn't understand why he was so worked up about it, as far as they were concerned it was juts a regular check up. Chandler himself knew that today would be the day he found out how many days he would have to wait until he knew for sure if he was a father.  
  
An hour and a half later, Monica and Daniel got home. Monica looked angry and Daniel was crying. Chandler jumped up nervously.   
  
"Did you ask the doctor?" he asked, practically jumping up and down with nerves.  
  
"Yes. First I had to sit through a lecture about why I shouldn't sleep around. He basically called me a slut, to my face. Then he said he can't do the blood test until Daniel is three months old. You and Mark can have blood samples taken before then. Then they just take a sample from Daniel and a few hours later, we'll know," Monica explained. Her angry tone made Daniel's crying worse. "And he hasn't stopped crying since we left the apartment, I don't know what's the matter with him," she said, exasperated.  
  
Chandler took Daniel and paced the apartment with the baby pressed against his chest. Another six weeks until they would know! He couldn't believe it. He knew they wouldn't find out today, but he had hoped it would be soon.  
  
"I hate this!" Monica said, slumping onto the couch.  
  
"You hate it?" Chandler said wryly. "How do you think I feel?" Monica was silent.  
  
The next six weeks were the closest thing to normal that they could be, under the circumstances. Chandler and Monica hardly ever talked, and when they did, it was only about their other friends, or occassionally about Daniel. Chandler no longer touched Monica at night, and she was glad she didn't have to endure his uncaring touch, but she still missed the loving kisses and tender caresses from before Cahndler found out. But she missed even more the way he loved her before she started her affair with Mark. It was onyl a year ago, but she could barely remember what it felt like to make love to Chandler with no guilt.  
  
"i'm going to the doctor's tomorrw," Chandler informed her about a month later. Monica looked up, for a moment forgetting that Chandler had to have a blood test to see whether he was Daniel's father, and she was concerned at what was the matter with Chandler that he had to see a doctor about. "The blood test," he reminded her, seeing the look on her face. She nodded.  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot," monica said weakly.  
  
Not even half an hour after Chandler left, there was a knock on the door. She answered it with Daniel in her arms.  
  
"Hi," mark greeted her. "hi Daniel."  
  
"hi," monica answered. She let him kiss her quickly, then the three of them went inside.  
  
"Have you had your blood test yet?" she asked, over a salad lunch, while Daniel sat in his high chair, watching them intently.  
  
"Yeah, a couple of days ago," Mark told her.  
  
"Chandler's gone today."  
  
"So I dont' have long with him today? If Chandler's coming back soon."  
  
"No, he's going to work afterwards," Monica said.  
  
"Okay," Mark said with a smile. He took Daniel out of the high chair and carried him over to the couch, where he started gently tickling the baby's small feet. "Mon, seriously, thanks for letting me see him," Mark said.  
  
"Its only fair," she muttered. She had only agreed to let Mark see Daniel because she knew there was a chance that he was the father, no matter how much she tried to deny it, and it would be unfair to stop him seeing his son, if Daniel was his son.  
  
Mark knew this and appreciated it, not only becaus he wanted to see Daniel, but because he wanted to see monica. And seeing her under the pretense of seeing Daniel had meant she was unguarded, which was how Mark had managed to end up in bed with her. She hated herself for it, but somehow in the last couple of weeks, they had developed an easy relationship. He rarely cam over without wanting sex. She kenw this and put up with it for Daniel's sake, in case he was Mark's son.  
  
Daniel fell asleep about an hour after Mark arrived, after they'd eated lunch and he had been fed. Monica laid him gently in his cot and waited a while before returning to the livingroom, captivated by the marvel that was her son.  
  
When she went out into the livingroom, she smiled and went straight into Mark's arms. He kissed her deeply and slid his arms around her small waist. H tried ot take her into her bedroom, but she had never let him through the door. Beyond that door was reserved for her and Chandler, no one else, especially not her lover. Mark was slightly irked by this, but as Monica's hand slid into his boxers, he forgot it all.  
  
Monica liked Mark a lot. After spending so long with Chandler, with the stain of acting like nothing was the matter, when she couldnt' relax around him, who she loved beyond reason despite how tense things had been between them. Being with Mark was something of a relief. He didn't force himself on her, always asked, never turned up when she wasn't expecting him, and he was good with Daniel. When Chandler had been ignoring the baby, Mark's ease with him had been great. When he was there, Monica could relax for a couple of hours.  
  
Monica was always careful that Chandler never knew Mark had been to the apartment. She knew her relationship with Chandler had no chance if he caught her and Mark again. She had actually started to wonder if it did anyway, but she wasn't prepared to throw away any chance there still was.  
  
Mark had been gone almost an hour before Chandler got home. He was looking nervous, the blood test having reminded him that it was only two weeks until Daniel's test, and finding out who his father was. Monica had perfected the art of acting as though nothing was wrong, she'd had had a year to practise.  
  
The following two weeks seemed to drag by, yet by the time Daniel's blood test arrived it seemed like no time at all had passed. Chandler had tried to be as normal as possible, but it was so hard for him. He didn't know anymore if he loved Monica. He knew he loved Daniel, but since he would either have both of them or neither of them, he assumed he loved Monica as well. Monica just let him do his own thing, knowing she had no right to demand his love when she was cheating on him once again.  
  
On the day of Daniel's test, Chandler couldn't concentrate on anything. He kept talking to his friends and then trailing off halfway through a sentence or suddenly realizing that he had no idea of what they were talking about.   
  
"So he was just standing there, covered in shaving foam, toilet roll everywhere, towels soaking wet on the floor, and all I could think was how cute he looked," Ross said, obviously finishing a story about Ben. Chandler hadn't been paying attention, and had no idea of the details, but simply hearing the loving tone in Ross's voice told him how much Ross loved his son. Chandler wondered miserably if he would even have a son to love after today.  
  
"I wish Frank and Alice had let me keep one of the babies," Phoebe said.  
  
"Aww, honey, you know you couldn't have one really," Rachel said comfortingly.  
  
"Yeah, i know. But I looked after them all by myself for nine months," Phoebe pointed out.  
  
"I could never be pregnant. too much pain," joey said.  
  
"Yeah, but at least you'd have a reason to eat weird food all the time," ross joked.  
  
"Yeah, but I'd be throwing up all the time, a waste of good sandwhiches if you ask me," joey said.  
  
"At least you'd know it was your baby, although with the number of girls you date, its anybody's gues who the mother would be," Rachel said.  
  
"Its not fair, is it? Some girl loves Joey with all her heart, thinks he feels the same way, then he gets pregnant, she's delighted. And then she might not even be the mother after all, because joey is ruled by the Little General," chandler said bitterly.  
  
"Hey!" joey said.  
  
"sorry Man, we were just joking around," ross said.  
  
"Sorry Chandler," Rachel said.  
  
"But Daniel's still yours isn't he? moncia might cheat, but she's not stupid. She would have used protection," Phoebe said.  
  
"It doesn't always work Phoebs," Chandler said miserably.  
  
"come on Chandler, you can't really believe that Daniel is Mark's son. I found it hard to believe that Monica would cheat in the first place. But I know she wouldn't have had anyone else's baby," Ross defended his little sister.  
  
"I'm not saying she deliberately got pregnant with another man's child. I'm just saying there is a chance," Chandler said. "Which is why Daniel's having a paternity test today," he added, sounding more depressed than ever.  
  
"Wow. I can't believe you dont' trust her," ross said, shocked.  
  
"Trust has to be earned," Chandler pointed out.  
  
"I can't believe you haven't killed yourself," Phoebe said.  
  
"Wow, thanks for the encouragement, Phoebs," Chandler said sarcastically.  
  
"Well everyone else I know does!"  
  
"Chandler, look, you love Daniel, right?" ross said.  
  
"Of course I do. I wish I'd never found out about it all," Chandler said.  
  
"So what does it really matter if you're his biological father or not. You love him. You're his Daddy," Ross went on.  
  
Chandler jumpe dup. "Oh my God! YOu're right," he shouted. A few people in the coffee shop turned round to look at him as he ran out of Central Perk.  
  
"Woo hoo!" Phoebe shouted for no real reason as his friends looked after him, bemused.  
  
Chandler arrived, somehow, at the clinic where Daniel was having the paternity test. He was red faced, dishevelled and out of breath. He had no idea of how he had managed to find the right place, but somehow, he had. In the small waiting room, monica was sitting on one of the plastic chairs with Daniel in her lap. Chandler's eyes narrowed when he saw Mark sitting next to her.  
  
"Chandler!" she gasped. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Monica, forget the test. It doesn't matter. I dont' care. I'll love Daniel whoever his father is," he said. Mark stood up, ready to say that he wanted his son, if Daniel was his, but they were interrupted by the doctor coming in.  
  
"Ms Geller? We have the results," he said.  
  
"What?" Chandler gasped.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler, Its too late," Monica said.  
  
"Please Monica, please don't do this," Chandler begged.  
  
"Do you want to know or not?" the doctor asked impatiently.  
  
"Yes!" Mark and Monica said together. Chandler hated hearing them speak with the same unity as he and Moncia used to. he knew he was beaten. He shrugged his shoulders in agreement.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
I know the last bit is a little cliched, but oh well. Please review. Pretty please:)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Part 10

Broken Hearts (part 10)  
  
"The baby is Mark's," the doctor said. Chandler crumpled onto a chair. Monica looked shocked and not at all happy, sort of disappointed. Mark smiled. He took Daniel from Monica and sat down. "I'll leave you three to sort this out," the doctor sighed. "Please, no violence," he added wearilt, obviously used to this kind of situation.  
  
"Mon, please, I don't care. I love you. I love Daniel. I don't care that he's not my son. i'll love him as if he was, I swear to God," chandler said. "Monica, I can't lose him. Or you."  
  
"He's my kid!" Mark butted in.  
  
"You don't love either of them!" Chandler shouted.  
  
"How the fuck would you know? Monica's been so unhappy lately because of you! You hurt her Chandler!" Mark shouted back.  
  
"How dare you tell this bastard what goes on between us?" chandler demanded, turning on Monica.  
  
"Chandler, I needed to talk to someone. I just wanted someone who would understand how I feel," she tried to explain.  
  
"And he wouldn't understand shit!" Chandler shouted, gesturing wildly with his fist towards Mark, although he had no intention of actually hitting him.  
  
"He understands more than you do!" monica snapped. Chandler recoiled. how dare she get angry? What was she losing? He was the only one who was losing anything, and he was losing everything.   
  
"Chandler, these last months, I haven't been able to talk to you. Our friends won't talk to me. They blame me and Mark for this. no one stops to think that maybe i'm hurting too," monica said. "Mark was a relief. He doesn't hate me. He listens to me. he;s good with Daniel. You hardly ever touch him!"  
  
"Monica, I havent' known whether he was mine. My girlfriend was cheating on me. The she cheated on me again, while she was pregnant, with no thought to either me or the baby. And now, after the baby's born, she keeps cheating on me. Its like you two are magnetically attracted to each other or something! And you expect me to talk to you!" Chandler shouted.  
  
"I expect you to help look after the baby!"  
  
"He isn't even mine!" Chandler wailed, the realisation stabbing him deeper every time he said it.  
  
"You thought he was! I thought he was! It was an accident Chandler!" she insisted, trying to stay calm.  
  
"An accident that should never have happened. Would never have happened if you hadn't slept around."  
  
"chandler, I know this is hard for you, but there's no need to take it out on Monica," Mark said.  
  
"Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything! This is all your fault. You couldn't be content with just taking my girlfriend, you had to take my baby as well," Chandler said miserably.  
  
"He;s my baby," Mark insisted.  
  
"She's my girlfriend! I love her! I love her despite all this. i'm still going to marry her. I'll still get to see Daniel," Chandler said. He noticed how Monica squirmed a little in her seat, but didnt' attatch any real meaning to it.  
  
"Not if I have anything to do with it," Mark muttered.  
  
"What?" Chandler demanded.  
  
"I love her too. i love MY son," Mark said.  
  
"You don't love her. You just want to get her into bed!" Chandler accused.  
  
"Bullshit!" Mark retorted. "I admit at first my relationship with Monica was just about sex, but I don't know. Over time I guess I started to fall in love with her. And I want to be able to see my son everyday."  
  
"Monica would never let you have custody," Chandler said meanly.  
  
"Who says she has to? I want to see Monica every day too," Mark said mildly.  
  
"No fucking way!" Chandler shouted. "I'm not letting you anywhere near them!"  
  
"Chandler, Daniel should see his father," Monica pointed out.  
  
"I can be his father Mon. I can be the guy he thinks of as his Dad. We dont' need Mark," he said ernestly.  
  
"Chandler, I dont' know how much of a relationship we have left. I don't want to stay with you, and have Daniel get to know you, then find out we can't make it work. I dont' want Daniel to have to go through that," Monica said carefully.  
  
"Monica, what are you saying?" Chandler asked, feeling panic well up inside him.  
  
"I think, I think it would be best for everyone if I stayed with Mark," she said hesitantly.  
  
"You two have been talking about this, haven't you? You knew there was more than a minute chance that Daniel was Mark's baby. I knew he wasn't here for the fun of it," Chandler said, realising that his whole world was crashing down around his ears, and if he didn't get out, he would be crushed.  
  
"Not really, just a kind of 'what if' scenario," Mark said.  
  
"When? come on Monica, I'm not stupid. I know you wouldn't have just called him up out of the blue and started talking about this stuff. So when? Has he been seeing Daniel?" Chandler asked, the anger slowly draining out of him, leaving him just worn out.  
  
"Yes," she whispered.  
  
"And then what? Did you screw him? Did you just sit there and chat for hours, what Monica?" Chandler demanded. He was still speaking only to Monica, feeling that maybe if he didn't acknowlede Mark, he would cease to exist. Moncia glanced at Mark, but only for a second. Then she looked back at Chandler.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you honey," she said softly.  
  
"mon, if you didn't want to hurt me, you should have been faithful. The best was to limit that hurt right now, is to cut the crap and tell me the truth," Chandler said, sounding pained.  
  
"Yes, we slept together. We talked about this when we were lying in bed after sex. Is that what you want to hear?" Mark remarked. moncia groaned. She hadn't really wanted to lie to Chandler, but there were better ways to break it to him that Mark's way.  
  
"I don't care Monica. I really don't. These last few months have been hell for me, and you know why? Because I loved you too much. I had you up on some pedestal, my angel. Then you let me down, and I wanted to hate you, I really did. But I couldn't. Now I know you're human, you make mistakes, like anyone else. And you know what, that just makes me love you even more. Please don't do this to me," Chandler said desperately. Even he could hear how pathetic he sounded. Monica looked at him pityingly.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she said, starting to cry. Mark put his arm around her.  
  
"Don't you touch her!" Chandler snapped at him. Mark withdrew his arm from round Monica's shoulders.  
  
"Chandler, I'm so, so sorry," she whispered.  
  
"Shut up!" Chandler said, suddenly harsh. "You've made your decision, okay! Just leave me alone. I want you and Daniel to move out by the weekend," Chandler said. It was Wednesday already. Monica's mouth dropped, but she didn't argue.  
  
"Its okay Mon, you can stay with me," Mark offered, eager to play the knight in shining armour. Monica nodded and smiled gratefully. Chander groaned, but he knew he couldn't tell her what to do or where to live.  
  
"Whatever, just get out. Anything of yours still in the apartment on Saturday morning, I;m gonna take to the charity shop," Chandler said. It wasn't a threat. He simply didn't want to be reminded of the one relationship he had thought would be forever. Monica nodded. Mark considered putting his arm around her, but decided against it. Chandler too longed to comfort her, despite what she had done. He wanted to pull her against his chest, envelope her in his arms and kiss her tears away. It was all he could do to keep reminded himself of what she had done.  
  
Chandler went home alone. Monica took Daniel to Mark's apartment, and although Chandler hated the idea, he knew he had no right to say what Daniel did either. That the baby he had loved, wasn't his at all. He didn't want to tell the others. he couldn't see how it was his responsibility. Monica had cheated. It was all her fauly, she could explain to everyone else why Monica and Daniel would be leaving the apartment, and his life.  
  
However, when he got home, Chandler was greeted by all the gang. He simply shook his head dejectedly. Their faces fell. He heard them all over condolances, tell him how sorry they were, even a few murmers about what a bitch Monica was, but he didn't really hear them.   
  
"If you guys don't mind, I just want to be left alone, okay?" Chandler said. They all nodded and quietly got up to leave. Ross patted his shoulder comfortingly, Joey pulled him into a man-hug, Rachel stroked his arm, Phoebe hugged him.   
  
When they were all gone, Chandler went into the bedroom he and Moncia used to share. He lay face down on the bed, and hugged the pillow. It still smelled faintly of Monica. He thought he was going to cry, but he didnt'. He didn't want to cry, because normally whenever he crued, Monica was there to comfort him. He didn't want to cry, even now, if she wasn't there to put her arms around him and wipe away his tears. He still couldn't really believe that everything he had loved for the last three years was gone. Monica, the woman he thought would never let him down, had cheated on him and destroyed his life. And she had kept the baby, and foudn someone else to love. She was happy, when she had done so much to deserve misery, although Chandler would never wish it on her, he still loved her. Probably always would love her, no matter what. Yet he, who had done nothing except fall in love, was doomed to a life of misery. he knew he would never love anyone even half as much as he had loved Monica.  
  
At Mark's apartment, Monica was rocking Daniel, who was crying. If he had been a little older, she would have thought he was missing his Daddy. no, she reminded herself, because his Daddy was Mark, and Mark was here. Maybe Daniel didnt' miss Chandler, but Monica sure did. She knew it was all her own fault. But she didn't know what to do. She regretted saying she wanted to stay with Mark, she knew she and Chandler might have been able to work things out if they hadn't given up, if she hadn't given up.  
  
Chandler moped around the apartment for the next few days. Moncia came back several times for her stuff. On the Friday afternoon, she brought Daniel with her. Chandler was surprised to see the baby, and he wondered briefly if it was some cruel trick she was playing on him.  
  
"I just thought you might want to see him. It won't happen often, Mark hates the idea," Monica said when she saw the suspicious look Chandler gave her.  
  
"Does Mark know you're here now?" Chandler asked quietly. He wouldn't look at Monica, afraid that her blue eyes would work their usual magic on him.  
  
"no," she admitted. "He's visiting his parents. Telling them about all this, I supposed."  
  
"So you sneaked out so I could see how happy you are now?" Chandler asked calmly, in some way, wanting her to hurt as much as he had been hurt.  
  
"I'm not happy Chandler. not at all. I know I brought this all on myself, so I won't try and persuade you to forgive me. I know I don't deserve you," Monica said, quietly.  
  
"Mon, don't torture me by waving everything I could have had in my face, okay. Please, just leave," he pleaded. She nodded sadly.  
  
"If that;s what you want."  
  
"It is. Thank you. But first, there's something you might want. I dont' want it, you might as well have it, I don't care what you do with it. Keep it if you want, throw it out if you don't, whatever," Chandler said. He went into the bedroom and returned a few seconds later with a big cardboard box. Inside were some phot albums and a lot of loose photographs. Monica sighed. Chandler obviously didnt' want any memories of her, or their relationship. Silently, she took the box. Chandler looked longingly at Monica and Daniel as they walked out of the door and out of his life.  
  
He went into the bedroom and reached under the pillow, where he had hidden, from himself as mucha s anyone else, the few photographs he had decided to keep. A picture of him and Monica in London, looking awkward, since it was the day after their first night togeter. Monica holding Daniel they day he was born, smiling proudly. One of them as friends, before they even knew Joey and Phoebe and before Chandler knew Rachel, he didn't even rememeber when or where this picture had been taken. The two of them smiling, with their arms around each other when they had gone away from a weekend not long after they got engaged. And finally, a picture of Monica naked, that she had given him when they were still dating in secret.  
  
Chandler looked closely at each picture in turn, Monica's eyes, her hair, her face, most of all her smile, staring up at him, making him realise why he loved her so much. chandler missed the Monica in all the picture except the one with Daniel. The Monica he had known and loved for so long. but he would never think of her like that again. Now she was just the woman who had hurt him more than anyone else ever had before in his whole life.  
  
Chandler lay on the bed, the photos still clutched in his hand. He cried for the Monica he had loved. For the baby that should have been his. For everything he had lost.  
  
:)THE END :)  
  
Well, since you've now read all 10 parts, you must have an opinion, so please share it. :)  
  
  
  
  



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